Do you make it easy?

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22 NIV

Happy anniversary sweet wife. As of today, Mary and I will have been married 31 years. The number of years sounds like a lot, but to me time measured in days is more real. We have been married 11,315 days. I am thankful for every single one of them. It has flown by for at least one of us. Jason Aldean has a song called “You make it easy” that reminds me of her. I love every part of her and every part of her life. She is probably the toughest person I have ever met and she makes my life better in all areas. But she also just makes it look easy.

She has her quirks just like I do. For example, we host family gatherings like Thanksgiving and Easter because it allows us to both go. If we went to someone else’s house one of us would end up leaving with our son. We appreciate the willingness to let us host for that reason. But at every gathering she is the last person to fix herself a plate. I have told many men over the years “I know you are trying to be polite, but you are not winning this. Go eat so she will too.”

I have seen her endure the exhaustion of the years Korbin went without a sleep pattern. We spent around 2,500 of our days staring at each other at the breakfast table wondering how we were going to do another 1 day. We once went over 180 days with him at a literal panic of anything he saw in the air – bugs, dust, rays of light, etc. It was like solitary confinement. His room, lights off, door closed, curtains shut, holding him as tight as you could squeeze. That was probably the second worst 180 days of our life. When the appointment we were waiting for opened up in Wichita I was on the road and met her there. She made it 180 miles to Wichita in just under two hours. Do the math. We have now survived over 4,100 days since Jordyn went home. Some days are better than others, but it is a load that you have to carry intentionally, or it will run you over.

I can see it on her face at times. When she sees it on mine, she would literally do anything to help but sometimes does nothing because she knows what I need that day. As it is with most things I have seen as difficult, I cannot say that I do not know if I could have done anything without her because I have simply have never had to. I doubt nothing about her love.

Those last two paragraphs may not sound like a lot of fun. I agree. However, they illustrate my point. Marriage is a covenant we make, not a contract to keep. Contracts imply an exchange of one thing for another. In other words, I give you an amount of money, you sell me a dishwasher. If you have not purchased one of those lately – buckle up. We had to last week. Covenants express a one-way exchange; I will do this or that. That’s it. There is no required exchange back. I will love you, no matter what. The greater the challenge, the greater the love needed, the greater the love she has given. I am a blessed man.

I think one of the biggest tricks used by our enemy is the perversion of that covenant. Satan wants us to believe that the covenant should involve us looking at our spouse thinking “You should love me, no matter what.” It’s counterfeit truth. It can look or sound right, but it is wrong. If both spouses only consider love directed toward them, neither spouse is genuinely loving their partner, only themselves. That’s idolatry.

God’s love is an outgoing expression of His love for us, not a self-directed one. Our job as a spouse is to recognize which direction our love flows. It should be toward our spouse, not toward our selves. If both spouses do this, both spouses are loved, every single day.

Do you make life for your spouse harder than necessary in any area? If so, how can you change?

Do you have a figurative scorecard running in your mind of the disagreements you have with your spouse? If so, what do you consider to be a win? Their loss? That’s counterfeit currency.

Challenge: Filter your life through the concept of love flowing toward your spouse. Make it easy to love you by loving them no matter what. Every day.

Rick L. Claiborn