Joy takes the day

“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” Galatians 6:7 NIV

Today marks what would be our daughter’s 30th birthday. We have not been blessed to have her here physically for coming up on 14 years. Both of those numbers amaze me. Hard days have been plentiful over that time span. But seven days ago, I wrote about the world since our granddaughter Harlee entered it. I have learned that I can control my mind more than I previously understood. So, today I put that to the test. Joy. I have tried to make joy the only emotion I have entertained today.

So, for her 30th birthday I just asked a few people about funny memories or things they remember most about her. The following is a sample in no particular order. I could write five posts about what I heard back and I didn’t ask that many people.

My wife remembered that when Jordy was young and got sent to her room that she was mad at her for saying that she needed an “altitude” adjustment. Aly mentioned two things. First, there was this time that they lost Korbin. He just left and Jordy did not want to call us so they would not get in trouble for losing him. We got home about the time a friend stopped and asked if we knew Korbin was a couple of blocks north of our house. Nope, didn’t know that. Jordyn ended up in trouble for not calling us.

Aly also remembered the time they were hiding Cheeto’s from Korbin so they didn’t have to share them. They forgot about them, and Mary needed to pre-heat the oven. What followed was an extremely large ball of flame and smoke for a bag of Cheeto’s. Apparently, they are quite flammable.

The response that sort of closed the deal for me said this:

“I remember so much! I still think about the way she would tell me to “Just Breathe”, which comes in handy, especially these days with having two toddlers. She also told me to never settle, which has helped me to take on some new challenges recently. She would ask about the best and worst part of your day, which is something I ask Emery every day when I pick her up (the Claiborn house still does that every day). I also remember going to the movie “Night at the Museum” with her. I think it was the second one with the Jonas Brothers as cherubs. We were the only ones in the entire theater and we both laughed our way through the whole movie. I distinctly remember that she laughed with her entire body, and it was loud and full of joy. I can still hear it. And I can still see the way she threw her head back and how even her knees came up”.

“I can also see perfectly in my mind the way she ran after Mr. Harris at the football game that night. She called his name as she did this gazelle run leap thing with one hand in the air as she ran towards him and that was not the first time I had seen such a move. And of course, she was so charming talking to him”.

“I’ll never forget that she showed up at the park that day when my entire family was falling apart. Lots of late night conversations, driving around town, random trips to Walmart, dance team and dance class, excessively ripped tights for some reason, and hanging out in the Jonas Brothers room at Kilie’s house (I had never heard this before, it was actually in the crawl space of the house) and hiding on rooftops to scare each other or dump water on someone.”

As I re-read this post before finishing there is pain. I am not eliminating it. I am not denying it. Pain is still real. My heart regularly feels like it may explode sometimes. People blindly say that time heals all wounds. I have not found that to be true for this wound. I still have this wide open spot that only she can fill but she is not physically here to do it. My remedy today has, however, made me smile as I read memories of her.

The bible says that you reap what you sow. I have found that joy can be a planted emotion. Farmers plant a crop one day and do not harvest it the next day. They have to wait. They have to examine and test. When the time is right, then they harvest. You may be waiting. You may be tired of waiting. But, at the right time, there is a harvest. I can, with effort, harvest joy even in the middle of what looks like disaster.

What is the biggest challenge you face? Jordy leaving is my hardest thing by a mile.

Grief is a powerful thing and is common, it’s not just us. It’s not a contest, some days just run right over me. If that happens, try again the next day. Forever if needed.

Challenge: Her youth pastor called me after her first night attending youth group at our church. He did not want to betray her confidence, but he wanted to tell me something. He had asked the kids to write down things they were struggling with so that he could pray for them. Her card said, “Pray for your own problems, I don’t have any.” She was 13 years old when she wrote that.

Life has highs and lows. Without the lows, the high points would not feel remarkable. Sometimes just moving problems a little to either side can let you see more, feel more, and function more. Jordyn could do it, so can I. Maybe you can too.

Happy birthday Jordy,

Mom, Dad, Aly and Korbin