Like a grown man

“For as the Father loves the Son and shows Him all He does. Yes, and He will show Him even greater works than these, so that you will be amazed.” John 5:20 NIV

My dad ran a pretty tight ship. He wanted to know what we were doing most of the time. He drove a truck in Kansas City for 30 years. He knew where things were. If I told him I was going somewhere, I needed to mean it. I watched him walk out to check the miles on my car on a Saturday morning many times. Some variation was okay. But I went too far adrift from the disclosed plan, he knew it. His favorite subterfuge happened when one of my friends proceeded to tell him what we were going to do that night. Apparently, I sounded like my dad on the phone. Dad listened. By the time I got to the phone I no longer had plans that night. My dad would not lie, so after that Michael started asking “Is this Chester?”

Our daughters regularly left the house with a non-specific agenda. We knew a general plan when they left, but it became common for them to be gone. Freedom is a beautiful thing and you want your kids to have it. But when they grab it and hold on, it can hurt your heart just a little.

I saw something cool today. My son was getting ready for work. I watched as he brushed his teeth, sort of shaved, and get shoes on, normal stuff. As he waited for his friend to pick him up, I marveled at how far we are from where we started. Then I re-thought – he’s waiting for a friend to pick him up. We have never had that experience with him. When the car pulled up, Korbin grabbed a water bottle and hit the door looking like a grown man. As they drove off the thought hit me that this was the first time Korbin had gone anywhere with us having no idea what time he would be back or what exactly he would be doing.

My favorite day of the year is coming up. I really enjoy being a father. All good fathers use some detective work. My dad had a secret detective/informant/rat in Hays when I was in college. I was four hours away and he would comment on my social activities. I don’t mean in general, he could tell me exactly what I had been doing if he thought I might be too far off track. He would never tell me who it was, but I was apparently being watched for around four years. It makes me smile now, not so much back then.

Aly told me that I was the most strict dad of any of her friends. She made me promise to start telling her parenting secrets once she had a child. Harlee was about a week old before Mary and I got to see her. But around two minutes after I saw her for the first time Aly looked at me and said “Start dishing!” The first one I revealed was that I called the police about a party once. Everything about that party sounded dangerous. She got home that night around 8:00 pm telling us all about how lame the night turned out to be. It was a good call.

Aly pushed us pretty far out of our comfort zone. Her behavior was never that bad, just new to us. She told me once that sometimes as she walked downstairs to go to bed she would pretend that she had her hands around my neck choking me. I told her there were times I was imagining the same thing.

She was okay with the conflict it took to become more of the independent beautiful soul that she is. It will take a while for us to fully disclose. Probably after every level of “independence” Harlee grabs onto she will be more able to hear about our subterfuge without wanting to choke me out.

What have you grown to appreciate about your parents?

What do you hope your kids will grow to appreciate about you?

Challenge: Parents, slow down and enjoy the journey you are on. Realize that conflict is normal. Strong willed, stubborn kids can turn out to be determined and capable adults.

Rick L. Claiborn