Mary K.,

“…and present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or blemish, but holy and blameless.” Ephesians 5:27 NIV

I am sitting in a hotel near Wichita, Kansas knowing that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. You know, that is when I am supposed to show some love for the woman who holds my heart. I told you once that if I live like you owe me something for 364 days per year, one day is not enough to make up for it. You deserve the whole year.

One of the songs at our wedding was “Don’t know much” by Aaron Neville. We are approaching 33 years of marriage and one thing I have learned is you actually do not know much about some things. I want to change that a little.

You treat our house a like our own sanctuary. In it, people get cared for. We host holidays and other special occasions at our house. This actually allows us to attend because if we take our son to someone else’s house, he is going to dig through every room and then want to leave. It makes going to someone else’s house more than a little complicated.

But I must say that hosting is a lot of work, for you. I would literally host Thanksgiving without doing anything extra. Come on in. I was griping about it recently and you put it this way, you think of getting the house ready just like I think of getting the yard ready. It’s a personal statement. It shows you care. I had never thought of it that way. I had always sort of wondered why we had to rid the house of any discernable signs of life. You helped me understand better. You also will not serve yourself until everyone else has gone through the line. Better men than me have tried and failed, but you will not eat until everyone else has. If there is a bar to set the high mark for caring for people, you set it. You don’t know how good you make people feel.

The day before I leave for work each week is always a little melancholy for me. I like to work, but I have to leave you behind to do so. It is usually on Saturday or Sunday morning we get a few moments to sit. A cup of coffee and a few minutes of conversation, or silence for that matter, is a rare and beautiful thing. You don’t know how much I look forward to that.

We have had some hard things. You have never once took your eyes off of me, Aly or Korbin. You could have been on fire and you would not have asked for a little water to quench the flame because it would have made things harder on us. You don’t know that we noticed that.

You do not know that your laughter fills a room. I love it. If we are in a crowded room that is the sound I am listening for. Come to think of it, Aly laughs like you. Speaking of Aly, you recognize the special in her. You know the beauty of her young family. What you do not know is that she learned what she wanted her family to be from watching you.

We have done some things well and we have absolutely failed at some things. You do not know that you helped me get through every difficulty. You do not know that you made victories even sweeter.

People may not know but we signed a little pre-nup that says it best: “I’ve got you. You’ve got me. Together we make it.” It hangs in our living room. I do not know what all our future holds, but I know I love you, and that may be all I need to know.

But I realized something I had not thought of today. There is a lot of complication to us attending church and it has been a long time since we have been. I sometimes think that I must be disappointing my Savior by not leading you there. However, the bible says “…where two or more gather in my name, there I am with them.” I listened to a sermon this morning that reminded me, “…to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or blemish, but holy and blameless.” We gather in His name in our own house every Sunday. You see plenty of blemishes in yourself, you do not know that I present you to myself exactly as He wants me to, holy and blameless. Sweet wife you are my church.

Happy Valentine’s Day love,

Rick

Husbands, does your wife know how you present her to yourself and does it look like radiance?

Wives, do you spend time presenting your blemishes to yourself? These verses really lean toward you not doing that. Look at yourself through your Saviors eyes.

Challenge: Perspective can be hard to manage, but align your evaluations of your Valentine with what God tells us, not what the world does.