So what's next?

We live.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” Hebrews 12:1 NIV

Since we found out Korbin has autism, he’s had a lot of people work with him. God has just kind of lined them up. When he was in preschool, we were still trying to figure out how to work with him at home. One day I asked one of his paras if she would quit her job and work with our son. My wife looked at me like I was nuts.

I had never thought about asking her that. But she ended up coming to our house the next week to tell us that that’s exactly what she had just done. Seriously. For around three years she came to our house and worked with him. She just had a way of doing things that was patient and very low-key I guess. She was able to do things no one else could do and she taught us how to do new things with him. I remember she used to sing to him. She is still the only one he has ever let do that.

At one point, the teacher that she used to work with came over to watch one of their sessions and I remember she said, “Guys we have this all wrong!” At school they were doing things differently and it wasn’t working as well. That helper ended up telling us that God had been talking to her about us. That is a humbling thing to hear.

She told us that she felt God was telling her that He was going to put us in a position of influence in our community. We thought it was all related to Korbin. I mean there a lot of people in Hays who love our son and we know that.

But really, I never really thought about this until later, when Jordyn died it did put us in a position in the community where a whole lot of eyes were looking. We could feel it. We were drawing strength from people. There was also a point we realized people were drawing strength from us. Sometimes people are looking because it’s the latest train wreck - and we have been that wreck more than once. But sometimes – most of the time - they’re looking because they either love you or they want to help.

Every year our pastor used to ask us to pick a verse of the year. It causes you to study and look in the Bible. I attribute a lot of growth to my scripture verses of the year.

During 2009 my verse was Hebrews 12:1, “Therefore, since we have such a great cloud of witnesses, let us run with perseverance the race that is marked for us.” I have it tattooed on my arm. We have it in our house. And even the story behind that is a God wink.

Mary and I were at a spot where Korbin was only sleeping about two hours a day and we were exhausted. We took a break to go downtown. I don’t even remember what we had in mind, but our date was going to The Good Book Store which probably wasn’t very creative date planning on my part. But we walked in and saw this picture of horses running on a beach with that verse. We just started crying and knew we had to have that picture.

I know God is in control and it makes me realize that the race isn’t accidental happenstance crap that happens to you. Some of it is actually planned and marked out for you. Sometimes our job is just to keep running. It doesn’t say “win the race while you’re running” because you’re not always going to win. Sometimes it just means keep running. I think I relate to the verse because of that. I’m just supposed to keep running and have faith in the one who marked out the race.

It is kind of our family verse I guess. I think I have grown the most spiritually through crap, through junk, through stuff the world would say is failure. I can look back on us now and say God was working and I have peace.

I hardly ever see God’s plan ahead of time because He’s not required to reveal it. Most of the time it’s me looking backwards and going, “Oooooh, that’s how He used that!” or “Oooooh, that’s what I learned through all that!” Sometimes I look back and can find no clue as to how He was working. He is still Him. I am still not Him.

The race that is marked out for you has a cloud of witnesses watching. Every witness called at a trial has seen something or knows something about a topic. If there are no witnesses, there is no testimony. God may have, of all the people on the planet, picked you or me to introduce Himself to someone.

We have off days. We are not perfect. We have a lot of off days. We have very rare perfect moments. But the total stranger I’m sitting next to at a restaurant could have actually been put there by God. It may be for me or vice versa, it works both ways.

I think that one of my greatest spiritual lessons is realizing that for some people I am their greatest frustration. But I need people to help me sometimes. I get to help some people once in a while. It gives me peace to know that I was not asked to decide the course of the race. That is not my job. God is not honored by me packing up and quitting. Jordy is not honored by that either. The only way I know to honor either of them is to drag my tired soul to the starting line and be ready to run.

What do you think you are here to do? What is your next thing?

If you are not sure, join the club. The people who say that they know for sure – including me - may not know. Sometimes we just are not meant to see.

Challenge: Just keep running the race that you are in. Sometimes you are the witness, sometimes the witnesses are watching you. Either way, have peace. Your course has been set by the Master.

Rick Claiborn