Envy

“There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them.” 1 Corinthians 12:4 NIV

I suffer from occasional bouts of spiritual gift envy. I have always admired worship leaders. Honestly, I have always admired anyone who can sing. I do not have that gift, although in my car with no one else to serve as a witness to the contrary, I’ve got it. Many years ago, I was singing in the car and one of my favorite Jeremy Camp songs came on and it felt like I was crushing it. I called my own office and asked for my own voicemail so I could record it, you know – for the future. I remember thinking it would be great. However, when I got to my office the voice I heard was not familiar. Literally I laughed for an hour. Someone actually walked by and asked me “What is that?” Not who, “What?”. Picture a cat being tortured with a fork, that is what I sounded like – at my best. God has blessed me tremendously, but not in that area.

My wife and I traded vehicles this week. I put around 45,000 miles per year on a car so we can break them in pretty quick. The one we traded was not that old, but it was not holding up to the demands. This week was my first trip with the newest member of the family business. I am amazed. Stray from the straight and narrow, an alarm sounds. Get too close to someone, the car will literally slow itself down. It did everything but sell policies for me.

My dad was born in 1929. He farmed with mules growing up. He once told me that he was happy when two row plows came out. He rode a horse 15 miles to work. As I was driving 80 miles per hour sitting on a leather seat with cool air blowing, I was thinking about the contrast. We are only one generation apart.

My dad worked harder than anyone I have ever seen. I have no idea what he made in a year. I make more. I work two days a week. He literally loaded multiple loads a day with trailers that held around 50,000 pounds of freight. Loaded correctly, 1,000 pounds per foot would pass the scale, all thrown with his two hands. I held a similar job for a while, so I know the work and I enjoyed it then. But he was around 57 when he retired. I am 56 and one load that big would probably kill me.

I started thinking about why I am here. Why is my life like this? I feel truly blessed. But why? It occurred to me that in my own way, maybe I can be a worship leader. Maybe I can encourage you to search your heart. Maybe I can get you to look around your life. Like me you will find that there are hard things. There are easy things. There is pain, but there is also laughter. There is love and there is a purpose.

The difference between my dad pulling tiny implements with a team of mules and my car is stark. But then I remembered something. When my dad died my brother and I were in the garage at his house. We found what to me was like the holy grail. It was a simple notebook with tasks written in it. He had kept track of things like “Mowed Bob’s yard. June 1, 1968.” He literally had written down things he had done for people, for years. I do not know where that book is now, but to see a 50 year old record of him was humbling. As it turns out rather than compare where he was or what he was doing he recognized that he was blessed, and he wanted to be that blessing as well. That is what I am supposed to do too.

As I was working today, I was commiserating that I had not sold anything. As I was holding my pity party about sales I was working back to an appointment from the day before. Last house, middle of nowhere – I thought I really needed to sell this one. What I found at the house quickly turned from a potential sale to an appointment more divine in nature. I met a woman who was planning for the funeral of her son later this week. He had been through a long struggle and seemed to be past it. Aneurysm burst. Gone. She then told me about her husband who has Alzheimer’s. We shared stories about my daughter and my dad and about her son and her husband.

My perspective was restored. This was not a sales call. It was even far enough away from anything else that I knew it would be my last stop, so I had no rush. Over the course of about an hour we both laughed, cried – and prayed. I got the opportunity to help a sister in Christ. As I drove off I re-thought my God given day from a different point of view. I have been gifted with a job where I literally get pieces of paper with names and addresses printed on them. I actually pay for those, so I am motivated to find them. I could write volumes about how God has placed me in the right spot for someone. Sometimes it is more for me than them.

I do not think that God wastes His resources. I think He gives to us in whatever measure or manner He decides, but not for us to compare. Just like a worship leaders voice can help us bring our heart into a state of worship, our life can impact someone, maybe for an hour, maybe for eternity. We can point to the source of the greatest blessing of all, grace – unmerited salvation through faith in Jesus Christ. There is nothing better on earth we can do than point people in His direction.

Do you wonder sometimes what your purpose is?

Do you look around your life to remind yourself of the beauty? Of the provision? Of the people around you who may have a need you can fill?

Challenge: Don’t envy someone else’s God given gift or position. Be the worship leader in your own life. You never know who might be might be waiting for a word from God that is stored inside your chest.

Rick Claiborn