Binocular vision

“Do you have eyes of flesh? Do you see as a mortal sees?” Job 10:4 NIV

My family is in the middle of wedding season. First, I get to walk our daughter down the isle to marry the love of her life. Then, I get to perform the wedding for my niece and her fiancé. It is a pretty unique summer. Our marriage is a vital part of our lives, so it is a special time for us.

One topic I like to cover when talking to any couple is best illustrated with a set of binoculars. If you look through a pair it is usually through the smaller end aimed at an object some distance from you. You can clearly see objects that are actually far away. But if you try to look at anything close to you it is too blurry to distinguish anything. However, if you turn the binoculars around and look through the larger lens, objects close to you become clear and appear further away than they are.

Problems are a lot like that. If either me or my wife has something on our heart, sometimes it can make other areas of life look blurry. If you place an object right in front of your nose you cannot see anything else. If any issue takes up that space in our lives it can be hard to focus on anything. Nothing can be seen clearly. We have been in that spot many times in 30 years. We have seen our share of issues. Not all have been easily overcome. Some took years. Some still exist. No marriage has no issues.

I want to fix things. That does not always work. In fact, maybe it almost never works. Most of the time if some issue or problem has presented itself, the best thing either of us can do is help turn the binoculars around. We can help each other take a problem and make it more clear. If you move an issue further away, it suddenly becomes possible to see other things as well. Problems do not actually become smaller. They also do not go away. You just move them to a different position. They become more clear. Perspective gets better.

When you enter a marriage, or any relationship, you come in with experiences. I call that Yellow and Blue. You get to mix those colors but working at it best, each spouse keeps in mind the uniqueness of their partner. If my wife filters her life experience through that same filter, then I can keep in mind how that makes her look at things. This can help me be more aware of ways I can help her. It also points out times when I should stay silent but supportive. To keep my mouth shut. When I rush in, I miss that opportunity.

At the same time, my wife has learned how I filter things and she can help me avoid placing issues too close. She has developed a high degree of skill returning me to a clear view, to turn the binoculars around. Because of my headstrong nature, she has learned the balance between blunt force and gentle nudging.

If you are worried or concerned, how do you put space between you and the issue to get back to a better perspective?

If your spouse has something on their heart, do you try to fix? Try to pray? Do you wait for the answer or do you assume you know too quickly? (like me)

Challenge: Learn to balance what you have learned about the intricacies of your spouse. Consider silence as a possible option? Remember what lens they are looking through.

Rick Claiborn