Fernando

“All your children will be taught by the Lord, and great will be their peace.”  Isaiah 54:13 NIV

Last week I met a child named Fernando.  We met under horrible circumstances.  I was a member of the jury tasked with deciding whether or not he was a victim of murder.  As soon as I saw the letter telling me that I needed to make plans to serve I thought it was for this case.  News reports had mentioned an upcoming trial and I just assumed that notice meant I would end up being a member of that jury.  As I filled out the questionnaire they sent to prospective jurors I could feel it.  Could I really sit and listen without losing emotional control?  I eventually reasoned that Fernando deserved my willingness.  I knew it would be hard, but like Dr. Suess would say, any who in Whoville, no matter how small deserves to be heard. 

I was worried about seeing pictures and I did not have to wait very long.  Right out of the gate they showed us a picture of him after rescue efforts had failed.  I am doubtful that image will ever leave my mind and I guess I think that is okay.  He deserves to be remembered.  Keep in mind I do not know anyone in his life, not his family, not their friends, no one.  Also, I do not know many of the details about his four-month life, like how loved he felt.  So I took the biblical approach that I would love him.  Every time they showed a picture or a video I just whispered to myself “I love you Fernando”.  Also, my wife knows me very well.  She found a picture of him healthy.  It’s a much better mental picture. 

We heard people recognized as experts in their field describe the end of his life and their opinion concerning what caused his death.  Both attorneys had the same degree allowing them to practice law and both had experience in the job.  Then we heard from experts both for the defense and for the prosecution.  All were trained in forensic science, pathology, emergency medicine, law enforcement and more.  Each team looked at the exact same information and reached completely opposite opinions.  One narrative fit the stance of the prosecution.  One narrative fit that of the defense.  The challenge is having an ordinary human like me listen to experts who do not agree and make a reasonable decision.  Fortunately, twelve people have to unanimously agree.  That reduces the pressure any one juror may feel in deciding guilt or innocence, but it is daunting, nonetheless. 

News reports sometime feature stories about juries that deliberate for hours or even days before they reach a verdict.  I have always wondered why it would take so long, until now.  There is a lot of information to discuss and really everyone has to participate.  We reached a verdict on a Friday evening after about nine hours of deliberation.  The weekend felt like I was walking around in a vacuum and when I left for work Monday morning, I told my wife that it felt like I had been abducted by aliens and dropped back into my life.  It was weird.

I had the day off and my grandkids were at our house, so plenty of beautiful distraction was a welcome condition.  While they were sleeping, I laid down for a little afternoon nap.  I woke up at about 2:00 in the afternoon and flipped out.  I thought I was late getting back from lunch for the trial.  I didn’t even stop to think, I just jumped in my car and was on my way back to court. 

My mind started racing through actual reality, “Wait, we reached a verdict.  Why am I going there?”.  It was at about the same instant I received a text from my wife, “Where are you going?”  She told me not to be embarrassed, that I tend to get fully deployed into things.  She also said, “You need to write about him.”  She knows I don’t just want to write, sometimes I need to write about things that matter to me.  I know I am not alone in feeling this, but Fernando mattered.

History books will probably not remember him.  They probably won’t remember me either, to be honest.  But that is okay.  I have a Savior who knows me fully and I have faith Fernando took the fast lane into His arms.  Maybe I’ll get to see him when I get there.

I once heard someone ask this question:  If you are on trial for being a follower of Jesus Christ, would there be enough evidence to convict you?

Evidence does not have to be physical.  In fact, it cannot be.  You may do some things because of your changed heart, but faith alone, not works is what Jesus is looking for. 

Challenge:  Guilty or Innocent?  I’m guilty.  Forgiven or Condemned?  I am forgiven.  In the end we will all face a jury of one, Jesus Christ.  Without His free gift of grace, we are all guilty.  With His grace, forgiven.  What is your relationship with Jesus?