Where were you 36 years ago

“So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.”  1 Corinthians 3:7 NIV

May 19, 1990 is a big day in our family.  My wife and I have been married for 36 years.  I love the number because it seems to feel like a long time when you say 36 years.  However, as I look back mentally it has gone entirely too fast.  If you have ever been to a wedding reception you have seen a dance honoring the married couples.  When Aly and Logan got married, I told Mary we were paying for it, we were winning it.  I told her I wasn’t going to leave the floor.  My motivation changed when we found ourselves standing in the midst of two or three couples who had 60 year marriages.  We left the floor, but I hope we actually get to win one of those someday. 

I am on the road working, which is actually fairly common even for some special occasions.  My schedule is flexible to a degree, but when the week gets rearranged it can be hard to get everything done, so we usually keep the road time consistent. 

Today I worked in Wichita and had to drive about 60 miles north to reach my destination for the night.  Stormy weather had been forecasted but I thought I would be fine.  I may have pushed my luck a little.  I had to stop and take shelter, and it gave me some time to think about the night before our wedding. 

We were in St.Peter, Kansas at the rehearsal when a storm hit.  We had people in the wedding party who had never seen a dirt road, much less driven on one, but after the initial scrambling everyone made it safely.  The storm actually caused my destination to change.  Instead of driving to a hotel, I ended up staying at Mary’s parents.  You know how you are not supposed to see each other before the wedding so we stayed at opposite ends of the house and I left early the next day so we did not break that superstition. 

We were living in Fayetteville, Arkansas while I was in Graduate School.  Our first apartment was 400 square feet.  We had a murphy bed that folded down from the wall in the living room.  We had to stack our dressers to make them fit the available space but that meant the top drawer of clothes was about 7 feet up.  We actually had to get rid of quite a few things just to fit everything into the apartment. 

It was perfect.  I am not sure it would have been totally different to live near a lot of family or friends but living four hours from anyone either of us knew put us on an island and it was a great way to start.  We had no money and literally used to go to a mall to watch people.  We wondered what their stories were and talked about the story we were trying to write. 

My job involves me pursuing a sale with someone who has expressed an interest.  You can actually get turned down more than half the time and still be successful.  I was 26 years old and I guess I knew what success looked like because when I saw her I was pretty much done.  I took flowers to her at work to ask her out on a date.  She did not remember my name.  Humbled, but undeterred. 

We met on July 17, 1988.  I actually considered asking her to marry me about two weeks after that first date.  Clearly that would have been too soon, so I waited, for two whole months.  She said yes but we decided not to tell anyone of our engagement since they would probably think it was too fast.  We broke the news by Thanksgiving.    

All of those times sitting in a mall in Fayetteville, Arkansas dreaming about our story we would never have included some of the hard parts.  You cannot comprehend the hard parts of life when you are surrounded by something so promising.  Yet, the hard stuff yields some of the best parts. 

My wife would march to her own death if it even marginally helped someone she loves.  We could not save everyone we loved.  We have lost.  We have failed.  We have been exhausted.  We have been less than broke.  But… we have many victories.  We have had many successes.  We have seen rest.  We have found peace.  We have seen 36 years that I would not trade for anything.  Happy anniversary sweet wife.

I wonder sometimes how it is to be married to me.  I hope she feels loved.  Men, does your wife feel loved?

No one likes the hard times, but do you realize how those hard times form strength in your relationship.

Challenge:  It will find you.  Meet it together.