Happy Birthday Gator

“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” Proverbs 31:25

In honor of her 22nd birthday this week, please let me describe my beautiful daughter. I have two nicknames for her: Gator and Nimrod. Both sum her up pretty well. From early in her life she has used a lot of words. This helps greatly in communication. It allows us to hear how she thinks. Sometimes that’s the confusing part. I have a lot of memories of her that are funny. But I also have the knowledge that she worries about things.

Early in her life if we went anywhere, she wondered if she could reach the door handles, could she find the bathroom, and many other details that would occupy her mind. She still worries about details and I love it when she says them out loud. Aly has no filter and I am thankful for that. She will talk to us about pretty much anything – ugly truth is better than pretty lies – is what we call it. She also told me one time that when she was mad at me, she would imagine what it would be like to wrap her hands around my throat and choke me a little.

She used to put on what she would call “silly shows”. After supper she would act out things, sing and get into full costume. She had an impression of a mother and baby gazelle that I would pay money to see right now. Her wardrobe choices were always unique. She once cut the waist band out of a skirt because she wanted to use it as a head band. There was the time she walked into the front room at around 10:00 pm. I had just arrived home from work and she had a complaint to register. In high school at the time she said, and picture this with a full on stance of attitude, “Mom said if I put my laundry in the basket she would wash it and I have nothing to wear tomorrow! And I know, I’m going to my room.” I never got a word in, but I laughed for 30 minutes. She also once said in consecutive sentences while arguing with her mom “I’m a 20-year-old grown woman! Mom can you help me take my makeup off?” That’s the Nimrod.

There was also the time she ran into the house to get something for my wife. She went through an open sliding door. Someone shut the door. She ran back towards the yard and SPLAT. I literally heard the smear of her face sliding down the glass door. Jordyn was about to lose it she was laughing so hard. I remember her saying “I just wish I would have seen it.” Aly was not amused. We go on a date every week and have done so for around 15 years. I love it. I realize that one day she will be too old and too busy, but we have had some fantastic conversations and we have laughed. She still makes me laugh more than anyone else and she knows how to laugh as well. She throws her head back and lets it go, like a true moment of joy – that’s Aly.

We are both stubborn, or maybe I should say committed. Sometimes she and I will argue, and it drives my wife crazy. But soon one of us will say something like “I’m sorry you were stupid” we laugh, and peace is restored. The first time I met her boyfriend I told him that Aly would throw herself into the firepit we were sitting next to if it would keep someone she loves from feeling pain. I wasn’t exaggerating. I have seen her endure things in her life that would make some people give up or start blaming the world. She has done neither. That’s the tough Gator.

From an early age if I said, “I am proud of you” she would respond “For what?” Her love language wanted nothing to do with blanket statements. What she wanted was for me to know her well enough to have the capacity to be specific. Half-hearted relationships do not appeal to her. My wife and I talked about making sure that we did not overprotect her after Jordyn died. Aly needed the same freedom without an additional burden from us. She has also felt pressure to be like Jordyn in some areas but purposefully tried to do things her own way. She has been successful. She has been marked by the loss of her sister and the issues with her brother, but she is defined by neither. Although both have shaped her, she is so much more than those things. Her best story is in front of her and we are looking forward to watching it unfold. She is as committed to what drives her as anyone I know. If you want to keep up with her then get your rest and pack a lunch. You will need both. I am proud of her for that. She has taught me what it feels like to love someone so much it actually hurts.

What experiences shape your perspective?

How have you, and I, approached the negatives to move forward in spite of them?

Challenge: Date your kids. Spend time with them. Tell them how much you love them. Enjoy everything, it goes so fast.

Rick L. Claiborn