Sit Shivah

“Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.” Job 2:13 NIV

I wrote last week about trying to be an encourager. I really do want to be that for the people in my life and even for someone who may not be in my direct view. There are many times when people are watching that we have no way to see. I think about that a lot.

In that post I mentioned that my wife and I know many people struggling with different things. We have discussed that as we get older, we notice more. Maybe it has always been this way, but man we know some people going through some really difficult stuff.

What has me torn is the fact that I know that there is absolutely nothing I can physically do to help them. I struggle with this. I want to fix things. My wife and daughter will often start a sentence with “I do not want you to do anything, just listen.” I understand that I can pray, and I try to, but I would need to pray all day to mention everyone I have concerns for.

Sometimes the worst thing I do is to try to talk too much. I think it is hard to know how and when to even tell someone a simple verse. If you are standing in the middle of monsoon, an umbrella does not mean much. Even the most faith filled people I know have found themselves spent. Not walking away, just too damn tired emotionally – or spiritually – to hear or do anything. There are times when words are the best thing, but there are times when they are not.

So, what are we supposed to do? Two days after Jordyn died, I went to church. I knew it would be emotional, but what unfolded ended up helping us a great deal. Our preacher didn’t preach much that day. Our worship leader sang with what sounded like the voice of God coming out of his chest. Everyone just cried. But they played a video that was sort of a “How to” guide to help.

It was called “Sitting Shivah”. It is in the book of Job, who had lost literally everything. It gives a simple instruction, just sit. No words needed, in fact, no words was the goal. Just sit with the hurting. It gave our entire church something to do when they did not know what to do. For weeks we never came home to an empty house. We do lock our door more now. But there were people here 24 hours a day for a while. For probably a couple of months we had people who would come and just sit with us. If we were not home, they just waited. It really was amazing when I think back on it.

I need the reminder sometimes. I do not have the right words for most occasions. I have no words to ease the pain in some lives around us. If you think this post is written specifically for you, it probably is. I feel burden but I cannot just jump in to fix it. I carry my own pain to God as much as possible but really even 10 years later it is too much some days. I cannot carry it on my own, neither can you. For people going through unimaginable things right now, I am here. I am praying. I hope you are too. I’ll be here as long as I have breath, sitting Shivah. If you need to talk, let me know.

Where did we get the notion that we can fix everything? Where do we get the notion that we can fix anything?

Ever notice how loud silence is sometimes? Maybe we need to use it more so we can hear God’s whisper.

Challenge: We cannot talk to just anyone about our issues I get that. However, not talking to anyone empowers the problem. Predators always try to isolate their victim. Look around you. Who might you need to sit with? Do you need someone to sit with you?

Rick Claiborn