The definition of love

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV

Do you ever wonder what it is like to be loved by you? When my wife reads Paul’s description of love, she could think “He loves me,” or she could think “He loves me not.” When we got married, I knew I loved her, but I did not have any idea how to define love if someone had asked me. Paul sets the bar pretty high in his letter to the Corinthian church.

I worked as the Recreation Director here in our town for 12 or 13 years. It was a job that could follow you home if you let it. I let it. The work was fine. The results were good and I got to meet a lot of people in our town. But, one year I went to a Promise Keepers Conference and realized that maybe the job had become too large. It was not the job’s fault, I gave it every square inch. But I remember talking to my pastor about it and he suggested I make a change.

Instead of driving home with thoughts of the day, thoughts of tomorrow, thoughts of goals and budgets – he told me to park the truck. Literally. My challenge was to stop the vehicle before I got to my driveway and interview myself. What are the kids doing? How was her day? What needs to be done? Do they need help with homework? When I had fully engaged the mind of the husband and father, then I could go home. Some days it would take longer than others.

Instead of bringing the work into the home on accident, I brought myself home to my family on purpose. I did not execute this perfectly every day, but it helped. God used the time to help me want to clear my mind before I would spend time with those little miracles. I think God used those one on one interviews to help me realize that when He called me to another job I would want to go. If the voice in my head was a Recreation Director I thought of those things. But when I thought like a father and a husband, those trips to Claire’s to look at cheap plastic jewelry meant more to me because they meant something to Jordyn and Aly.

Apparently, God wanted those sessions to last a bit longer. In my current job I average around 800 miles a week. That’s a lot more windshield time and for most of it I have no noise except the ringing in my ears. It gives me time to ponder. Do they feel loved? How in the world am I supposed to get “better” at showing my family love? How am I supposed to get better at showing Christ like love to anyone?

Am I patient? Not enough. Am I kind? Not always. Do I envy others? Yes, and that is dumb, my life is beautiful. Do I boast? I am actually asking. Do I always protect? Do I always persevere? If I am keeping a record of wrongs that is not love. If I am self-seeking, and all of us are to a degree, that is not love either.

Does the love I give resemble Paul’s description in his letter to the Corinthians? If not, am I willing to take purposeful steps to grow?

The world will give us many definitions of love, but most of those point us in the direction of receiving. Take steps to redirect this outward. From total strangers to my own family, God’s call to love extends toward others.

Challenge: Ask your spouse about your patience, your kindness, your love. You are not perfect and God does not expect you to be. But we have a high capacity to love others. Are we?

Rick Claiborn