The Queen of Benevolence

“Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.”  John 3:18 NIV

We have a family member named Schuyler.  She is a hybrid, not legally ours, but most definitely a loved member of the Claiborn household.  I am not sure who introduced us to her, we were looking for someone to help with our son Korbin.  He was still young as this was over 15 years ago.  We had to find someone who could be comfortable around him without any typical signs of a close relationship.  There were also some challenging behaviors. 

Also, we had to find someone Korbin was comfortable with.  Essentially, we needed a babysitter who could handle his struggles and the swings in temperament without feeling like they were failing.  There was also the uncertainty that exists when spoken language does not really have much of a role in communication.  Back then, there were zero words in his vocabulary.

Our ideal person also had to be comfortable with Korbin when he actually did feel connected to you.  Sometimes that looked like him throwing his legs across yours on the couch.  He also tended to stare deep into your soul which occurs with his face about two inches away from yours.  It is ironic, but for someone who struggles so much with new people, places and things, but when Korbin wants to connect with you, he sees neither verbal barriers nor personal space issues – yours or his.  All this to say, what we were praying for was someone who was just not normal.  Jesus sent us Schuyler.

“Babysitting” turned into purposefully spending time with him.  Spending time with him turned into “let’s invite Schuyler” to dinner or whatever we were doing.  You don’t ask just anyone to get this close to your family.  I am protective of the Claiborn’s.  That is part of my job.  Schuyler became protective of Korbin.  We became protective of Schuyler.  She is ours.

To describe her personality, I have a good example.  When I had my Real Estate license, she started looking for a house and she let me help.  Two of the agents in our office were in the process of flipping a house.  It sounded like a good fit for her, so I took her to see it.  At that point in the transformation of the house, they had just had “Demo” day.  It was stripped to the studs on the walls and ceiling.  Cabinets, bathroom vanity, sinks, ceiling, walls and doors were all gone.  She bought the house.  Her only stipulation, she did not want to see it again until it was hers.  So, with only a few vague questions she waited until it was finished.  We actually had the closing without her having seen anything.  When we showed up to look at the house she now owned, she had not picked so much as the paint color.  I do not know very many people who would be comfortable with that.

Somewhere along this journey we had a family dinner on a random Thursday night.  Someone suggested that we should do it more often, so we claimed Thursday as “Family dinner night”.  I have no idea how long we have been doing this, but it has been years.  It is a priority for all of us.  The best example of how we feel about Sky can be stated this way, we did not invite her.  We assumed she would come.  She knew we assumed she would be there.  She is us.  She is family.  

So why the title?  She works at Fort Hays State University and at one time had the title, Director of Annual Giving or something like that.  She works with alumni giving back to their university.  Benevolence.  So, I started calling her the “Queen of Benevolence”.  If that makes no sense, welcome to my wife’s world. 

What I want to tell her on her birthday, which it is by the way, is a simple thank you.  Picking people to help with supervision of your kids is hard.  You trust, but you have no way of actually knowing initially.  But, when trust comes, you relax a part of your heart.  Schuyler’s presence in our lives has allowed us to have some freedom we would not have without her.  She has made my wife’s heart relax, which makes my heart relax.

Do you ever stop and think how many family members you have who are not related to you?  Your circle is probably bigger than you think.

Do you ever stop and try to retrace how you ended up in someone’s life?  Those journey’s can be beautiful even though you were unaware of them. 

Challenge:  Sometimes just opening your heart can be hard.  With Schuyler my only challenge is wondering when we did not know her.  But I know how much better life is with her.