What kind of sorry are we talking about?

“yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us.” 2 Corinthians 7:9 NIV

We were blessed with a conniption fit this week. If you are a parent, you have been blessed before as well. If you are not a parent yet, buckle up. The backstory: my wife and I were on the way out of town for a fun day with our son. He had money in his pocket from birthday and Christmas and he loves bookstores, so off we went.

About 20 miles out of town I heard what sounded like a security system alarm coming from the backseat. He had activated a 911 call but not by dialing directly. I still do not understand how he did it, but the phone went nuts. That made him react. That made Mary react. That made me react. That made him react more. Yeah, I know. Keep in mind we were doing 80 miles per hour. The 911 operator called us back and we explained what happened so all was good, but tense.

Autism has so many interesting aspects, but emotion is a complete mystery on Korbin’s spectrum. He was not just upset. He was what I would call unwound. He was loud and actively letting us know about it. It does not happen often. He is the most peaceful person I know. If you have never seen this side of him it can be a bit surprising.

There have been many times in our life that I would have just turned around, day over. To be honest there have been many times we have seen that if he got that far off kilter he would not have calmed down until he went to sleep that night. We have had day long matches with him many times. We have lost many of those matches. We explained the use of 911 to him as we have done in the past. When he is that upset, he repeats everything you say to him. Everything. You tend to get calm quicker when you hear your own tone coming back at you.

It took close to an hour, but eventually we could hear his voice calming down. Everyone sort of started to relax a bit and then in the middle of the quiet I heard “I’m sorry mom. I’m sorry dad.” He meant it. There are a few moments in parenting when you hear the music in heaven playing, this was one. I have only heard him say it a few other times and that has always been after a haircut. He fights those like I cannot explain. His haircuts are a sensory civil war. Every part of him physically is fighting every part of him mentally. I have come to understand that he does not like the fact that they are that big of a struggle any more than I do. He does not want to struggle in any area. No one does.

What I heard in his voice that day was sincerity. He even hugged us when we got to our destination. We ended up having a great day and his normally peaceful demeanor crowded out the static pretty quickly. Our son is maturing. It is a beautiful thing to watch.

There is a country song that asks the question “what kind of gone are we talking about?” That song makes me wonder, what if God asks me, “What kind of sorry are we talking about?” I have asked His forgiveness many times. Daily. Multiple times daily. He knows my heart better than I know Korbin’s, but I think He must want me to mean it like Korbin did that day. Every time. Korbin will get unwound again sometime. So will I. But when I apologize to Him, what kind of sorry am I talking about?

I am a once saved always saved believer. Grace given to me through a relationship with Jesus cannot be earned by me. But it also cannot be unwound by me. If I think I am capable of letting it slip through my hands I have to believe that my hands are capable of grabbing it in the first place. No. It is a gift. I have apologized to God and meant it only to be asking Him to forgive me again for the same thing. Same day. I do not expect perfection from my son. But to see the amount of growth we have seen in him is miraculous to me. He is 17 years old and he has grown more in the past few years than I have grown in any increment of time in my life. It gives me joy to watch it.

Like my son, I do not want to struggle. I think God wants me to mean it when I say I am sorry. “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this Godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagernesss…” 2 Corinthians7:11 NIV. God does not expect perfection from me – or you. But like a parent, I think it gives God joy to watch us mature.

What unwinds you? What make you just lose peace?

What is your most effective tool to re-wind, to get back to peace?

Challenge: Take the trip. Give it a minute instead of turning around and going home. Life is a beautiful thing and giving the Creator joy – that’s a pretty good day.

Rick Claiborn