Ha

“Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or blemish, but holy and blameless.”  Ephesians 5:25-27 NIV

     My job allows me to meet people from a wide range of backgrounds and life experiences.  One of my favorite couples, Michael and Ha, lives in Wichita, Kansas.  I met them a few years ago after the husband returned a card I had sent to him.  They purchased coverage at that time, and I have checked in with them a few times since. 

     Their story is one I will remember.  They met overseas and were married.  He only spoke English but she spoke limited English and obviously her native language, which I believe was Vietnamese.  They figured out ways to communicate and were eventually married.

     They moved to the United States and raised a family together.  Some time after they married, she suffered a stroke.  The human brain is a miracle, impossible for us to understand.  The stroke did not impact her physically.  However, it erased the English language from her brain.  She was no longer bilingual.  In her native language, she could talk all day.  Zero percent of her learned language remained intact. 

     My thought was that this surely had been hard for them to navigate.  How do you discuss any issue, like buying a car, naming a son, new paint color for the living room, anything?  Now, technology can help.  We have phones with translators.  I have a pair of ear phones that will translate in real time the simultaneous conversation of two people who do not understand each other.  But none of that even existed when this happened.  They just had to figure things out as they went. 

     Every time I have talked to them, one thing has been very clear.  Michael loves his wife.  He did not talk about frustration or failure.  He did not even make it sound hard.  He made it sound like them.  Ephesians 5:25-27 says “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or blemish, but holy and blameless.”

     I know some men who were great husbands.  I have met even more who thought they were.  I understand men and women have different perspectives and I think that is a beautiful thing.  But I think we miss a key point. 

     In verse 22 “Wives” are addressed.  I think that verse is written by God to wives, not husbands.  I do not think it was meant as an instruction manual for husbands to point out to their wife when things aren’t going like we think they should.  I think this verse can be used as a spiritual weapon to get our wives to love us in spite of our lack of initiative in finding ways to love our wives. 

     In verse 25 “Husbands” are addressed.  This is the verse written to husbands specifically.  We are told directly to love as Christ did, to give ourselves up for her.  We forget that we are supposed to “wash her with water through the Word” but never read what the word says about a matter.  My favorite part of that verse says to “present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or blemish”.  I think “present her to himself” simply means “the way I look at her”.  If you want to look for blemish, you can find them.  The bible does not tell me to teach her that she should be perfect or subservient or lifeless.  It tells me that I am supposed to look at her as His radiant church and love her as He loves His church, the one He died for.

Michael called me a couple of days ago, Ha passed away.  We talked for a bit and I just remembered the look on his face when he talked to her or about her, even when she was not in the room.  He loved his wife and was now facing the adjustment of life without her in the room.  It’s hard.  The perspective on someone passing away reminds us that we only have a limited amount of time to let our spouse know how much they are loved.  I feel like he has been telling her every day for decades.  I wonder how loved my wife feels today.

Do you find yourselves making a mental list of all the ways your spouse could be better for you?

Do you find yourselves making a mental list of all the ways you could make yourself a better spouse?

Challenge:  Make no excuses.  Michael and Ha shared little commonly spoken language and they found a way to be on the same page anyway.  Their situation made it hard, but mandatory to communicate in spite of all the odds.  We do not have such a barrier and find it hard to connect.  Do it anyway, while you still have time.

Rick Claiborn