Tim,

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV

I have written to you around milestone days before. It seems that the older I get, the faster they come. This week we will have another hard one. You will have been gone 8 years this week. I have no desire to make you or anyone else sad by writing to you. I just miss you.

I got reminded of you today. You loved sports and this would make sense to you. The Kansas City Chiefs won the AFC yesterday. Football is my favorite sport and I grew up in Kansas City so basically I, along with everyone else from that city, serve as the unofficial General Manager of the team.

Yesterday, they beat a team that was built specifically to beat them. We outplayed them, but talent on the field was not a perfect comparison, especially by the end of the game due to injuries. But that is not the point I am thinking about.

The Chiefs benefited from a late hit with 8 seconds left in the game. Unless you live in Cincinnati, the hit was, in fact, out of bounds. The added yardage allowed a winning field goal, but the penalty is not what I am thinking about. It was after that. The game ended. Players either celebrated or congratulated. Fans went crazy. But one player sat on their bench weeping. He was the one who drew the flag.

Several players went by and tried to console him, but all of them ended up heading into the locker room. Except one. One other player stayed and in spite of his own disappointment stayed some more.

That would have been you in my life. You stayed. You comforted. You challenged me. You laughed at me at times. You cried with me at times. You saw me at my absolute worst. You knew everything about me. Literally, I cannot think of a topic we did not discuss. Good. Bad. Embarrassing. Hard. All of it.

I remember a time we had a challenge facing our family. A few friends knew about it. We were heading out of town to face it and Mary got up first. She walked back into our room moving pretty quick. “Tim is here.” You either snuck in or broke in, but you brought three other men and had been sitting in our living room praying - for hours. A little creepy, but one of the most powerful moments I have ever had with another human. You remember, it was the day before we started locking our doors.

You gave our kids as much crap as I do, which is a lot. Remember when Jordyn wrapped your Harley with saranwrap? I mean she completely wrapped it. You retaliated by covering her car with painters tape – perfectly applied to every square inch. It looked like her car – including windows and tires - had been painted blue. It took her around an hour just to unwrap it.

You forged a relationship with Aly. She needed exactly what you offered her. I remember telling her that you were gone. She had come home from school and I met her in the garage. I hadn’t said a word and she knew someone was gone. She had seen that look before. “Who?” All I could get out was “Tim”. She knew you loved her Tim. I have no idea how to thank you for the role you played in her life, except to point to her life. She’s amazing. You would love Logan and you ought to meet Harlee. I’ve never seen another human as beautiful as she is.

You were patient with Korbin. You followed him like a hunter stalks prey. You used no words because at that time he didn’t use them or want them. You were the one to discover that he had made a friend of a bird out in our yard. It actually let him approach the nest and pet her babies. I’ve never seen that before and would have missed it without you. I remember the day you got in my face and actually said “I thought you said you wanted to be more patient with him and you were just acting like a jackass. It’s not his fault.” You were mad and you were right. You would be so proud of him. He is currently working in a school cafeteria helping prep for lunch. A couple of days ago he also literally spent an hour standing between me and the television checking to make sure he was blocking as much as possible. He laughed the entire time just like you would have.

Mary is doing well. Grandma looks good on her. The joy is visible. You helped her through a lot. I remember after Jordy left, you just grabbed her as she was walking past you and squeezed her as you said “Would you just stop!” She just melted and cried. She needed it and you were the only person on earth, including me, who could have done it. You gave her the extra support she needed. I don’t know how to thank you for that either except to again, point to her life. She would not be as good as she is without you.

Tim, I miss you. Late in your time here when you fell off that oil rig, what was it? Forty feet. I learned what a still intact femur looked like from the kneecap to the hip joint with the flesh ripped open. But I am so thankful that you fell. You spent a good part of 11 months parked on our couch in “adult daycare”. Without that fall we would have missed that period. It was an extraordinary opportunity to saturate my family in your friendship.

Brother I will see you again someday. I look forward to that hug. You usually hung back in a crowd at those gatherings at our house. After all of the initial greetings, then you walked up and hugged me. Maybe when I get to heaven it will be that way too. I don’t know how to thank you for your impact on me except to point to my life. It’s better because of you.

Rick

Everyone is known for something. Tim and I used to discuss the difference between what you want to be known for and what you are actually known for.

What do you want to be known for?

If you want to know what you are actually known for, ask a friend you trust.

Challenge: Be willing to make the changes needed to beat the opponent built to beat you. Does what you want to be known for and what you are actually known for match?