The book of Korbin

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33 NIV

When we found out we were expecting child number three we were not trying to have child number three.  One Sunday morning Mary handed me a gift bag holding a pair of pajamas.  I said, “Are you telling me we are going to fill those up?”  He has been a surprise every day since. 

At first, he developed normally.  Everything looked like it did with our girls.  But just a few months before he turned three, we noticed that we had not heard him talk in a while and we could not get him to do so.  He stopped making eye contact.  He was five years old the next time I got to look into those big blue eyes, only I was on the other side of an observation window that looked like a mirror to him.  I still remember – his eyes looked empty. 

We started the path toward a diagnosis we already suspected.  Our first intake call from the University of Kansas Medical Center was at 4:00 am.  We had waited months and they made those calls to take in new patients 24 hours a day.  That indicates how many people are impacted by this bewildering condition. 

We reorganized our entire life.  We considered moving to get closer to big city services and I am so glad we did not.  If you made every provider of Speech Pathology and Childhood Development on earth stand in line we would pick very nearly the exact sequence of people God had already placed along Korbins walk. 

At three years old he was occasionally violent, which is crazy to think about looking at him now.  He was hard on clinicians who had chosen the field.  I think he drove a few student workers into different fields.  We had friends who stopped coming over.  We stopped going anywhere.  He was rough. 

At about four years old his sleep patterns disappeared.  He has no circadian rhythm.  So to him there is no difference between noon and midnight.  It is hard to imagine and maybe hard to believe but for seven years he consistently slept about two hours a day.  Any more than that was hitting the sleep lottery and we didn’t hit the lottery very often.

One of us had to be in bed with him.  When it was Mary, he wrapped around her and literally squeezed her all night.  When it was me, he took out his anxiety.  Sometimes for 5 or 6 hours I laid there and let him hit me with his elbows, kick me with his knees and head butt me if I let my arm slip out of the way.  He would end up shoving his arms as far under me as he could.  The pressure calmed him.  We were all exhausted.

I could write for hours about this young man and how God has used Korbin and how God has provided for Korbin.  Some of those student clinicians went on to become certified to reach more people somewhat like him.  If you have seen one person with autism you have only seen one, they are all unique masterpieces.  A couple of those clinicians went on to become nationally recognized for their work in this field and the first client they ever worked with was Korbin (another way God used him). God has used Korbin to teach me, in difficulties and in victories.  But for every hard thing we have seen, we have seen miracles to counter them.  One in particular needs to be told. 

Haircuts have always been horrible.  The vibration of clippers is repulsive to him and scissors are terrifying.  It has been a dogfight once a month or so for 20 years, just he and I.  Usually, the girls had to leave the house.  A friend of ours who cuts hair for a living tried once.  By the end of that attempt, two men and a young man were sitting on the floor in tears and he just looked up and said, “How do you do this?”

Year after year, the same thing, every month.  I hugged him every time and we would both apologize.  He didn’t like it being hard any more than I did.  About a year ago, the impossible happened, no screaming.  Mary stuck around so she could see the miracle for herself.  People on the autism spectrum don’t get rid of sensory issues.  In this case I think he simply decided he was done with this one. 

Then came last week.  I asked the person who cut my hair if she was up for a challenge.  She was willing so we put “Haircut with dad” on his calendar and he just repeated it.  He got home from work (which is another miracle) and off we went.  He sat down and I got ready for either a miracle or a disaster.  We got a miracle.  Not one sound.  At one point she picked up a pair of scissors and he just looked and her and said “Only clippers” (verbal language in context is another miracle).  He was quiet the entire time like he had been doing it his entire life. 

Then he had some fun.  He strutted around like he was something.  He tapped his head just to make sure his mom saw it.  He was proud of himself.  That was cool to see.  His life has been hard.  He could maybe have turned out bitter or be angry that his walk has been difficult.  You would never know it looking at him. 

Have you ever wondered why God allows some things to be so hard?

Have you ever seen a struggle you have turn into one of the most beautiful journeys imaginable?

Challenge:  If someone wrote a book about my son, they would see that he is a better example of Jesus than I see in myself.  His life is harder than mine.  He has more uncertainty than I do and he worries less about that future than I do.  He forgives easier than I do and when Korbin shows you love, you feel it, just like when Jesus does.