Alignment of the heart

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not in your own understanding…”  Proverbs 3:5 NIV

When our daughter died there were many people around us who wanted to help.  Some found things to do, like one of my friends took it upon himself to keep coolers full of ice and bottled drinks for people who came to the house.  My father-in-law took a break from fighting cancer to mow our yard, pulling his oxygen tank along with him.  He wanted to help so bad, I could not say no to him.  People cooked, and I mean cooked food.  We ended up needing more space to store it and a local appliance store sent a refrigerator to use as long as we needed it. 

Conversations had a tendency to start with something like “I don’t know what to say”.  Silence can be awkward when there really is not a thing someone can say.  I had people tell me that God has a plan and I knew that, but immediately following death is a bad time to expect someone to be looking at it that way.  To be honest I still struggle at times with that concept and we are 16 years into it. 

Our community just got rocked by two deaths and I think no one I know has any idea what to do or say to try to help multiple families deal with the worst thing imaginable.  Both families will need support, even if you do not know them.  Specific words or actions will not always be clear.  One thing all of us are left with is prayer.  It is an effective weapon. 

I have seen God use Jordyn’s life and her death.  I have no doubt about God, but I may never understand the “plan” that left two kids dead.  I have been thinking about this post all day wondering how to say what is in my heart.  I know His ways are beyond my ability to understand, which makes sense.  If I can understand God, it makes me in some way equal to Him and I am clearly not. 

There are several large events in my life I simply do not understand.  My mom’s battle with anxiety and depression, her body lost to an enemy that robbed her body of function.  My dad’s brain left him years before his body left us.  It was horrible to watch.  My father-in-law seemingly getting some room between him and cancer only to die in his home.  My friend Tim hitting a patch of ice that sent him into a barrier that he could not survive, when 10 feet in either direction may have just been a slide into snow that he might have walked away from.  I still struggle with that one.

Every person has battles they do not understand.  Every person has losses that they cannot explain.  I believe God did indeed have a plan for us, but me understanding it simply is not possible.  I think acceptance is a better word but even that can mean that I do not understand something I am trying to accept, which leads me back to trying to understand God.  I think I have learned a more accurate word is alignment. 

If I do not understand it and if I do not like it, I may have a fairly long-term argument with God over it.  I have also learned that God can handle my arguments.  I think as long as I bring the argument to Him and not to a counterfeit solution the world offers, He understands and can handle even the anger or pain or confusion that I feel. 

That has resulted in a now 16 year journey of prayer.  I can say that I have aligned myself with His plan, even if I do not understand it or even if I do not like it.  If I align my heart in prayer with God, it makes the struggle less about understanding the impossible to understand.  It makes me look to Him – now, later today, tomorrow, the next day and the next.   

You will not know what to say to any of the families impacted this week.  That is okay. If you know them just go sit with them, in silence if need be.  If you do not know them then sit in your own house and love them.  Pray for them.  They will not be in alignment with any plan or result yet.  It is too big of a wound and too big of a step to make this fast.  But you can pray.

For an extended period of time my family could actually feel prayer.  I hope each of these families feel an army of prayer warriors around them.  It’s about all we can do and it’s the most important thing we can do.

Do not think you have to know what to say.  You may have words, you may have silence.  Each family will need some of both. 

Do not make them know what to say.  Your struggle to understand may not need to take place in the same room with them.

Challenge:  The families of both men need us.  You may feel helpless, but you are not.  Prayer affects things.