Celebrate the special

“Those who cleanse themselves will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.” 2 Timothy 2:21 NIV

I stopped at the house of a customer today. I have known them for a few years. She came to the door crying. We sat and talked about her husband. She told me that he had drank himself into liver failure. He was in a hospital in another city. She cannot see him, and he is no longer able to talk on the phone. She literally has to wait for him to die. She had no idea what she is going to do. We talked for a while. I prayed with her. When I said “Amen” she looked up and said “I wish I had my hearing aids in so I knew what you just said.” It made her laugh. I walked away with refocused perspective. It may look like a mess, but my life is special to me.

Our son Korbin is 17 years old today. It does not seem possible. But in trying to think and pray about what to write today, he is an on my heart. Hopefully, it will make a little sense as we go. If you know us, you know Korbin has autism. This means he has “special needs”. It is that terminology that I want to address.

His navigation of this world is different than yours or mine, so he needs help that other people may not need. He does not really think about personal safety. He will walk right in front of a car if you let him, so you have to watch for him. Learning is slower and progresses at a more unpredictable pace. We do not know if he will find work to support himself. Most people on the spectrum do not, so we have to plan for that. He has struggles and I could go on, but that is precisely what I do not want to do. Instead, it has been on my mind today that what I would rather do is celebrate the special. After all, special needs is not a truly accurate term. I prefer the term special gives. I think it is more descriptive because I get far more than I give to him.

Language confounds him, so he immerses himself in it. He memorizes statements or movie scenes in multiple languages. He records emotion in language like anger or fear. It does not make sense to him but rather than avoid it, he studies it. That is special.

We found out last week that one of his teachers has a cast on her ankle. We were told he helps her without being prompted to. That is special. When my brother fell at my house Korbin saw me doing chest compressions. Korbin stayed with his hands wrapped around my brother’s head until Dave started breathing. That’s special. He saw me fall sometime after that, just tripped – not hurt. He ran to me and did compressions from my feet all the way to my head. His friend tripped at our house the other day. Hollis was upstairs and Korbin was downstairs. He came flying up the steps and checked Hollis from head to toe.

If he hears a baby crying, he cannot take it. I have walked with him as he followed a crying child at a Sam’s store until the child stops crying. He does this with tears in his eyes every time. He once walked up to a new kid in his classroom who was not coping well. That’s an understatement. Korbin just walked up and actually used words “It get’s better”. It did. He has a crazy ability to see stress or worry in people. If that is in either of us, he will not ignore it. He sort of makes you be okay. He worries about nothing. He holds no anger for our past mistakes or bad days. His heart is wide open and unhindered, and he continually does things we were told he may never do.

But special is not limited to Korbin. Watching Aly grow into adulthood, graduate, land her dream job and get married is special. Watching my wife navigate a day in spite of hip pain that she tries so hard to hide, that is special. Sometimes watching her just navigate the day in spite of the grief or fatigue in general, is special.

Working a job every day, or having a job at all, special. Some people do not. Having kids, beautifully special. Some people do not. Frustrated with your spouse, you still have one. That is special. Some people lose theirs. Coping with anxiety or depression is hard. If you do not have either, trust me, coping is a special accomplishment. There is a statistic that 22 military veterans lose that struggle to suicide – every day. If you see a living veteran, they have fought internal battles that we cannot see. Successfully beating that is special.

I am obviously wearing out the word special. We overuse the word to describe too many things. Special prices. Special meal deals, etc. Special taxes (that is the dumbest use of all). I think we sometimes miss that the thing we think about the most - the task or issue we cannot master, the struggle we fight even though no one else seems to, can create growth that cannot occur otherwise.

Take note of things in your life, great things and not so great.

The positive things will stack up on you if you take the time to think about them. The negative things have either led to or will lead to breakthroughs or tenacity. Both will help you or someone you know in the future. You may actually be helping someone else cope right now and not even realize it.

Challenge: Look at the hard things, the struggles, with a different lens. Struggle can lead us to miss the pure beauty of life. You may be living with a miracle every day.

Rick Claiborn