Dear Jordy

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.”  1 Timothy 4:12 NIV

I am sitting here in our camper overlooking a lake on a perfectly calm night.  The crickets are loud, or maybe that is the ringing in my ears.  They sound exactly the same, but somehow the sound is so much better sitting next to water than when I am working or in our house. 

September is here and it is amazing how turning the calendar to the ninth month brings back memories.  Fall nights remind me of football weather and football weather reminds me of you.  I am struggling a little to comprehend the time.  You died on September 11, 2009 at the age of 16 years.  To be exact, you were 16 years and 77 days old when that accident happened. 

I had to resort to the days for one simple reason, this year you will have been gone longer than you were here.  We have been aware of that approaching but I am still not ready to yield to that.  Specifically, you lived for 16 years and 77 days and September 11, 2025 is only the 16^th anniversary of the night you left.  So, I realized that I could stall the day by comparing the length of your life to the length of time since your death, which means 77 days past September 11 is the day I can’t put it off any longer.  I think you might appreciate the wink from Jesus that the day I dread falls on Thanksgiving.

Jordy I am so thankful.  I miss you.  Then I miss you some more.  Then I remember when you were little we used to make up ways to say how much we loved each other.  “I love you to the moon” turned into “I love you to the moon, orbit it twice, land, pick up some moon rocks, come back and land in the ocean, throw the rocks in the water” – that’s how it used to start.  I remember laying in bed laughing at each other trying to come up with more details.  I’ve got nothing but details any longer, but I remember a bunch of them. 

Harlee and Oliver know about Aunt Jordy.  As they get older, I have a pretty good load of things to tell them about you.  You would absolutely love them.  Mischievous is accurate.  So is loud, messy, fun and just amazing.  Harlee is in dance, which you would love.  She starts soccer this weekend and how that is even possible blows my mind.  She is such a perfect mix of cautious like her mom was at that age and filled with about 25,000 words a day that she just has to let out, just like you.  Oliver would rather be let outside to wander around than almost anything.  I think I could even run an errand or two and he wouldn’t notice.  His mom would hurt me though.  So would his dad, his sister, and his Gram.  He will literally walk around with rocks in his mouth just in case he needs to throw one at something.  Diapers don’t have pockets. 

You should see your sister.  She is such a good mom.  I heard her correct Ollie one day when he was mad about something, so I tried it.  “That’s nothing to cry about right now” and he actually just stopped.  Who knew that actually would work? 

I read to her kindergarten class every week and get to watch her at work.  Those kids are lucky.  Mrs. Hedlund taught you both at that age and the same love for the kids we  saw in her, we see in Aly.  Every now and then when the kids might be getting to her a bit I remind her that it only cost her $265,000 or so to have the job.  But she is gifted at it.   

Remember how mad you used to get if someone ever said anything was “wrong” with your brother like he needed to be fixed?  Dang you were right.  He’s got a job.  He’s got a life that he appears quite happy in.  We see him do things now that I never thought we would.  He trims the yard when I mow and literally looks like he is 80 years old going so slow.  He never lost the smart ass.  In fact, I think he has refined his skill at messing with me.  In a cool way I think he has no idea that anything is “wrong” with him.  He is happy.  He’s also almost bald at 21 years old.  He might be the most interesting person I know. 

Your mom is doing great.  She gets to watch Harlee and Ollie when Aly is working and the three of them have created a beautiful little world.  She reads about 237 books a day – to each of them.  The drive she feels about getting everything done for everyone around her is still going strong.  The love language she speaks is loud and clear.  I did find one thing she may not be able to claim as mastered – axe throwing.  I have a video to prove it.  Maybe God let’s you see some things from heaven.  You would laugh at her like when you and Aly sat and watched her play tennis on the Wii.  Thinking about that still makes me laugh.

Jordy girl is it weird to write you a letter every year?  I guess I don’t care.  I just spent an hour feeling like you were sitting here with me.  I’ll take that whenever I can. 

Dad

Do your kids know how much you love them?  Tell them.  Over and over, tell them.  People can lose kids.

What is your biggest wound?  What do you use to treat it?  Be careful how you do.  Worldly fixes are counterfeit. 

Challenge:  Sometimes every day.  But sometimes you have to move forward.  Not move on, move forward, even when it hurts.