Don't drown in the muck

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:12-14 NIV

I wrote last week about the night Jordy died. Yesterday marked 13 years since the accident that took her and her friend Cody. Two families changed that day. A third family got to keep their son, but life still changed for them too.

Yesterday was a long freaking day. The accident was late, probably around 11:30 that Friday night. I end up reminiscing about when she was still here that day until around midnight. I headed out to work this morning and really felt pretty good. Milestone passed. I think about the word “milestone”. It is close to the word “millstone” which is used in the bible to describe a weight placed around someone’s neck. It can be a fitting comparison.

We still have the day of the funerals to get passed, both funerals were on the same day. Milestone days can be hard, but so can random days. We will have milestones to pass through for the rest of our lives. I’m not saying all of them are enjoyable to remember, but I remember a gigantic number of great milestones too. Some days the pain just feels like a stronger current for some reason. But honestly for me to hang on to hurt I actually have to temporarily let go of the joy and beauty flowing all around me to do so. It may not seem like it from reading these, but the positive memories of Jordy outweigh the pain by a landslide. I could not always see that, however.

After some time had passed our pastor called me in to his office and had a topic on his mind. I remember the conversation like it was earlier today. He said, “Claiborn, you do not need to move on, but you do need to move forward.” It was not the day after she died or anything. He loved me like a brother, but he saw me not able to comprehend how to proceed with life. He was right.

My wife needed me and I needed her. Our daughter and our son needed us present. We had friends who needed us to move forward because they could not do so without us at the time. He used the verses above to help me.

I literally hated them at first. “Forgetting what is behind” sounded like emotional treason to me. He made a simple suggestion: skip the first part and concentrate on “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” He used to challenge the church to pick a verse of the year to concentrate on and pray about. I ended up using that as my verse in 2010. “Press on” made sense to my heart. It still does.

I do not remember who made this statement to us, but “Just do the next thing” became a way to keep pressing. My wife and I have talked about how when one of us was not functioning, the other was usually not as bad. We had days when we both were, but for the most part one of us could pull the other out from under the millstone by saying “just do the next thing”. At times, the next thing was sitting down because we had not stopped moving for a while. At other times just doing the next thing was getting off of the couch because we had not moved in a couple of days. One simple statement helped us organize our minds and hearts a little, one thing at a time. We still use it to this day, maybe it will help you.

Every single person I know has gone through pain: physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. Why does pain move us more than joy?

Have you ever thought that not one person is being helped by what you are going through or by how you are handling it? Without hesitation I can tell you that you are incorrect. Every single person I know has at least one person impacted by their life: me.

Challenge: My wife has a saying, “Go with the flow, don’t drown in the muck.” Sometimes it can be hard, but if you are struggling with how to proceed with anything, just do the next thing. If you do not know what that is, don’t do anything. Wait. If you still do not know, ask someone who loves you. If they do not know, ask God. He does know. Better yet, start with Him.

My calendar is far less congested now than it used to be. Just doing the next thing points out priorities. Not drowning in the muck makes me concentrate on the river of beauty flowing all around me, instead of the muck that sticks to you when you get off the path.

Rick Claiborn