Fatherhood

“Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and Live!” Hebrews 12:9 NIV

I love being a father. I remember hearing Mary tell me she was pregnant with each child. That’s a cool conversation. The first time we lived in Scott City, Kansas and I was the Recreation Director. That is another way of saying that I worked a lot. I would come home and get Jordyn out of bed to just hold her. I knew we were going to have to move because I knew I did not want to be absent. Fortunately, God had a plan for us to move to Hays. I was still a Recreation Director, so I still worked a lot, but it was better.

I have told Mary this and it sounds foreign to her, but dads do not “feel” pregnant. She told me and I believed her, but the changes occurring inside her were a mystery to me.

Once you hold that child things get serious though. Am I good enough? Will I screw this up? I have no idea what I am doing. How many boys am I going to have to shoot for word to get around?

I would do a lot of things different in life. Mostly I would live slower, soak in more moments. We would have more kids. As I say that I am aware that we actually did. We stopped at three but one cool thing about having kids is they bring other kids to the house. You get to know them. You get to love them. You see their struggles and their victories. They become part of your family.

I even got to perform a wedding for one of them a few years ago and I get to do another one in a few weeks. In that way we have lots of kids. Really, we have been blessed beyond measure. Our three we have been amazing to me, but more would have been cool too.

Too many dads compartmentalize life, “This is business.” We get a lot of our identity from work and I understand that. But if I could tell men one thing it is this – your job is fine, but man your kids will end up impacted and they will remember how you approached life.

An infant can feel stress in you. If you do not believe that, try to rock a baby to sleep while pegging the stress meter and you will find out. Turns out an elementary aged kid, an autistic kid, a high school kid and certainly adult kids can still read you. Middle school aged kids are insane. Hang on for dear life, it’ll get better.

My point is this, do not worry so much thinking about a destination or goal somewhere in the future. Embrace the journey, today. Every stage you cling to means you are heading toward another stage you can cherish. In my experience each stage actually gets better. Also, no new stage or point in life actually subtracts from the former. Your mind and heart can expand exponentially. You, however, can add enough stress, worry and pace to miss trying to reach an earthly future that you are not assured while all the while thinking it will be worth it in the end. Don’t forget to live!

If someone asked one of your kids to describe you, what adjectives would they use? Hard worker? Lazy? Dedicated? Stressed? Hot headed? Patient? There are a lot of options, but you cannot reap what you do not sow.

If you are not comfortable with their answer, what are you willing to change? If you do not want to hear the answer, maybe you should hear their answer.

Challenge: I understand work. I understand obligations. I understand goals. I understand fatigue. But learn from an old man like me. You can change the answer if you do not like it. Don’t dread a child turning into the spectacular adult you were aiming for. Embrace the journey. There is nothing better than being a father.

Rick Claiborn