Game on

“The people to whom I am sending your are obstinate and stubborn…” Ezekiel 2:4

You remember how you felt when your kids were born? Best day imaginable. You watch as you nurture this human being into someone capable of leaving, which you know will break your heart, but it’s your job. You would not trade them for anything.

Then they become a teenager. Our first two were girls and both were neurotypical. In other words normal amounts of perplexing behavior. Our third is anything but typical. For the majority of his life we have traded blows with autism. Sometimes it wins, sometimes it’s a draw. In the end we win because we get Korbin.

Other than the autistic behavior, which can be a dominant opponent, Korbin is normally about as compliant as he could be in terms of behavior. Can’t get him to do something? Write it down. If he reads it, he does it. He did learn for a period of time that if he shut his eyes he did not have to read instructions, but fortunately that did not last long.

However, in the last couple of months our most peaceful family member has turned into somewhat of a pain in the …you know. He is obstinate. He is stubborn. He is loud. He has always had a very sly sense of humor that most people do not get to see. He is clever. The sly side has turned far more obnoxious. He examines every opportunity. He is an equal opportunity smart ass. He messes with everyone in our house. This is in light of the fact that we have endured a computer crash. Summer is in full swing and he can be tough to keep occupied. None of this is unusual. If you have a teenager, you know what I mean. But dang he can be tough to be around right now.

By the way, trying to find a way to punish a kid that hits their heart can be tough. Aly loved it when we sent her to her room. Alone time. Take a phone or a computer, that got to her. Jordyn on the other hand could not have cared less about the items. When we took her freedom from friends away, that did it. For both girls I literally took their room away once. Made them pack a bag and sleep on the couch until they earned it back, no time table. It worked.

I have tried to explain to my wife the love I have for football. Huddle. Run a play. Fight for your team. If I get handed my head on first down, second down is coming. We’re going to put our hands on the ground and do it again, maybe 60 or 70 plays a game. A new opportunity every play. That is where we find ourselves.

Finding Korbins heart can be a challenge. But we had a huddle and then called a play. Let’s screw up his equilibrium. He normally knows where every item in his room is. It may look like chaos, but he has it memorized. We took out a lot of stuff. We introduced new items. We moved furniture. He gently asked us to leave his room multiple times, but we kept at it. He hovered while we did it, but the change will hopefully help.

One of my favorite things in life is being a parent. I realized this week that all that has happened is this: my son challenged us. He may not be fun to be around sometimes, but neither am I. Not only did I sign up for this, I would do it again. I love being a father. In a way, Korbin is the easiest person to be around I have ever known. But when he is off, he can be one of the toughest. He’s like me.

If God looks at me the way I have been looking at Korbin the last couple of weeks I owe God a large apology. I know He knows the lessons. I know He knows the plans. I know He knows the outcomes. I am not a pre-programmed robot. He just knows how I will behave prior to me taking action. The week has strengthened our resolve as parents. Game on.

What is your greatest source of frustration?

Could this actually be a growth opportunity? For us, is it possible that it’s not about my son at all? How loving am I? How persistent am I? How patient am I? If it is about him, will he see me give up?

Challenge: Second down…

Rick L. Claiborn