How loving are you?

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV

It’s Valentine’s Day.  That’s when you get your wife a gift or some flowers or both.  That’s all good.  After 33 years of marriage my wife just simply tells me “Don’t buy me flowers”.  She loves plants and we have a bunch of them, but if I spend money on flowers that will die in two days, it doesn’t make her feel special. 

In a way I am not a fan of the holiday.  I know some men who take the role of husband seriously all year.  But I also know some husbands who live almost absent mindedly for 364 days a year and then want to look like a hero because it’s February 14th.  We should be better.

I tell my wife I love her all the time.  However, if I want to ask God how well I am loving her, He has an answer.  So, I broke down the biblical definition of love found in 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter.  You can define love in a number of ways.  But how the world defines love is often different than how God defines it.  I also find myself saying that He “defines” it rather than He “defined” it.  It is not past tense, it is current – today. 

“Love is patient,

Love is kind,

It does not envy

It does not boast

It is not proud

It does not dishonor others

It is not self seeking

It is not easily angered

It keeps no record of wrongs

It does not delight in evil

It rejoices with the truth

It always protects

It always trusts

It always hopes

It always perseveres

Love never fails.”

Keep in mind I am not writing about this because I think I have this all figured out.  I usually write about things I want to figure out and it is a good way to be prayerful about a topic.  I am not very patient.  Is that loving?  According to the verse, no.  I try to be kind, but I sometimes hear a tone of voice coming out of my mouth that isn’t.  I am proud of my wife and of us, but am I too proud to serve the person I say I love?  Like, do I clean the toilet?  Do I know where the washer and dryer are?  Do I know how the lawn gets mowed?  How often do I just sit with her? Does she feel protected, physically, emotionally, and spiritually?  You get the picture.  I will evaluate me.  I encourage you to evaluate you, maybe just have a conversation with your spouse and ask some real questions about how loved they feel.  We can improve how we love. 

Which thought occupies more time in your mind:  How your spouse could be better, or how you can be a better spouse?  You can change the question in your mind, even instantly. 

Do I make my wife’s workload heavier or lighter?   If I am mentally keeping track of how much I do compared to how much she does, is that a record of wrongs?  We are not supposed to keep a record of that. 

Challenge:  I think sometimes we confuse God’s grace, which cannot be earned with the love we have for our spouse.  I cannot earn God’s favor, but I can starve my wife’s heart.  I want to be purposeful how I tell my Valentine that I love her, every day.  Mary I love you - to the moon, orbit it a couple of times, land, then come back, without flowers.

Rick Claiborn