Long two-sided graves

‘In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”  Proverbs 16:9 NIV

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.”  Psalms 32:8 NIV

Back in the day when I thought I was going to be the Parks and Recreation Director for the entire civilized world, God hit me with His thoughts on the matter. Once in a while I would talk to people who also worked there if they wanted to pursue another position – a career step up.  Most of the time they probably thought I was trying to get them to leave.  I was not.  I just thought it was a good idea to consider it.  You will either find something better or realize you are already where it is better. 

I ended up eating my own words.  A job opportunity showed up and I thought that a door was opening.  The job was a big jump up professionally.  I got close, they even made a trip to Hays to secretly watch how the program was working.  I knew they were in Hays but they asked me not to tell anyone on my staff.  In the end, they offered the job to someone else.  I learned that I was not quite as important to the profession as I may have thought.  Looking back now I am so glad He slammed that door shut. 

But since He had my attention, He kept it up.  Maybe He was not going to move me to that job.  But it felt like He was definitely going to change my job.  That thought was a bit scarier.  I really did not have much training in any other field.  What else was I going to do in Hays?

Funny thing about God slamming a door shut.  You end up in a sort of a hallway of life.  There are other doors, but you become far more interested in which one is yours.  Sometimes it takes trying to open a few before you find the right one.  As it turned out there is a gentleman who lives in our city who is honestly the best in his profession – ever.  I do not know anyone who works in this field who seriously thinks otherwise.  I went for a ride along with him selling final expense coverage. 

Long story short, I left a job with a consistent check and benefits for one with neither.  It turns out I had worked myself into a rut.  I heard someone describe a rut as a long two-sided grave.  That was 15 years ago and I am absolutely convinced that God opened that door.  However, recently I had been wondering if He was opening a different path again so I went exploring.  I think the difference this time is that HE is the one who told me that I was already right where He wanted me. 

I am different now than when I started in this job.  I am not really as good at it.  I think old me before Jordyn died is better at the job than what was left of me, the heart damaged me.  I was also less comfortable on the road.  The desire to come home was stronger and still is.  The clinging to your family gets a little tighter even though I know that their outcome now or in the future is not in my hand, but His. 

I have changed.  Understandable.  When you experience the death of a child or the death of anyone who is a big part of your life, you change.  If you try to get back to the old version of you, you cannot.  That version is gone.  I have come to understand that Peace with God is easier to accomplish than peace with myself. 

I was selfish to a degree.  Clinging to the her that is gone kept part of her here.  That is crazy.  I cannot hold on to her so tight because she is where I want her to go.  My longing is for heaven and Jordyn is already there, right where I want her to be.  I should hold on to her life more than her death in part because her life is so much bigger. 

My wife and I had a business meeting which usually happens drinking coffee in the front room before the day gets started.  We made some changes.  First, we added a day on the road.  Keep in mind that adding a day means I have four days a week off, instead of five. They are long days, but it is amazing how selfish that sounds now.  

That portion covered my main job, but I do have a couple of side jobs that take up varying degrees of time.  I have learned that busyness can fool you into thinking that you are effective.  I have also learned that time off can fool you into thinking you are not busy enough.  Satan is a crafty enemy, using both positions renders me neutral if I let it.  I had been letting it.  We changed everything.  We realigned everything.

The extra day helps with production, which is great.  But the better impact was slowing me down.  If you only give yourself two days you have to hustle your tail.  You have less time for just talking to people – which is the part I like the best but going too fast deletes a lot of that from your day.  I am writing this coming up on midnight after a day that found me in the presence of a 70 year old man who told me that he did not believe he had a soul to save until three years ago. 

His wife of 40 years died after four decades of telling him that Jesus loved his soul and him not believing he had one.  I have never met someone who openly thought that.  Shortly after her death a doctor gave him a grave diagnosis.  He told me the doctor said “you have somewhere between three minutes and three months to live.”  Those two events sent him on a journey to find a soul – and he found his.  That was three years ago and he felt like he now had a chance to tell others what his wife had been telling him all along.

I am aware that sometimes God sends me to a person so I can talk to them.  He has a sense of humor about it.  I actually pay for the names so my motivation to find them is high.  Do you realize that God sends you to some people so you can talk to them?

I am also aware that sometimes God sends me to people so they can talk to me.  I need to take time to hear, not just listen.  Think about who might be in your life that you may need to listen to.

Challenge: 

Figuring out that I am right where I am supposed to be, because He put me here.  Who else in the world do I know with a job that allows conversations like I had today on a regular basis. 

Figuring out that He may be moving you, lean in and listen either way.  He may be leading you to something better or showing you that you are already there.

Rick Claiborn