Lose your marbles

“I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself.  My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent.  It is the Lord who judges me.  Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes.”  1 Corinthians 4:3-5 NIV

Back in the day our second grade daughter looked at me and said “Dad, I need a sewer.  What is your friends name?”  Apparently, she and her boyfriend were breaking up and she thought she might need representation.  Yes, I said second grade.  There was apparently some communal property involved, like a ring from a candy machine if I remember correctly and she wanted to keep it.  She was talking about my friend Paul, who is a lawyer, but sue-er is not as funny as sewer.

When I met Paul, we were on a bus headed home from a Promise Keepers Conference.  We hit it off and even came up with the “perfect” plan to help hold each other accountable for changes we wanted to make in our faith walk. 

He came to my office one day that week and dropped a bag of marbles on my desk and then two containers, one glass and one plastic.  The idea was to self-evaluate each day to determine whether it was one spent from a worldly view or an eternal view.  The glass container was to represent a “good” day, while the plastic container represented “it’ll burn one day”.  We would get together to discuss the results. 

I have mentioned a group of men in my life that I see every week.  The goal has always been to help each other in our daily walk with God in all areas of life.  The group started when we returned from that first trip.  Paul was one of the original guys in that group. 

When we announced our plan everyone else in our group told us it was a dumb idea for several reasons.  Most importantly, I can never do anything to warrant a day in heaven.  Grace is unmerited favor offered only through Jesus, a great day won’t get me there.  A hundred great days won’t get me there.  It’s grace.  If I think I can earn it, I negate the need for Jesus and I do not want to negate Him in any way. 

In spite of this knowledge, we pressed on with our evaluation, which I realize makes no sense whatsoever but ironically we probably put a marble in the glass jar because we didn’t quit.  On the last day of our little experiment, we compared containers.  I had not placed very many marbles in the glass, bound for heaven container.  He had not placed many in the plastic, burn in Hell jar.  It was a perfect demonstration of our perspectives in our daily walk with God.  Mine tends to tell me that nothing is ever quite good enough.  His told him that he ended up heavenly bound because he didn’t need to be perfect.  Jesus would surely see the good.  Full disclosure, I still have my containers and the marbles, just to remind myself.

I am 60 years old.  Old.  But if I am being honest, I have never completely stopped judging myself.  The little voice in my head saying “Just not good enough boy” has been tempered by age and the clear recognition of my own lack of self-sufficiency, but I still judge myself.  Why?

Have you ever considered that we never “earn” anything above eternity in Hell?  Nothing.

I used to think of that as a recurring defeat.  How can I be good enough? 

Challenge:  We can work.  We can earn.  We can accomplish great things.  But the chasm between deserving Hell but being given Heaven is not navigable without Jesus. 

Rick Claiborn