My Promised Land

“But He brought is out from there to bring us in and give us the land He promised on oath to our ancestors.” Deuteronomy 6:23 NIV

I have a habit of picking songs to keep in my head while I work. It helps me keep my mind from making up a narrative. When I let my mind wander, it will do just that. Usually, it will wander in a direction that is not helpful for my peace. Self-talk to motivate myself can be good. Self-listening to provide commentary on the day is not always helpful.

Monday morning I heard a song called “Promised Land” which is a collaboration of TobyMac and Sheryl Crow. I cannot say I ever pictured these two artists working together, but the result is fantastic. I have had this song in my head pretty well continuously for the past two days.

“Head down as I punch this clock. The hours roll, they never stop. I can’t ever seem to get ahead. Always tryin’ to do what’s right, straight and narrow is getting’ tight.

I won’t give up on this race. Broken, but I still have faith that this old life is all part of a plan. I can feel it in my soul, one day I’ll stand before the throne with nothin’ left but hope in these two hands.

Through all these seasons I’m still believin’ you’re my promised land. In all my grievin’, I’m still believin’. You’re my promised land.”

The bible tells of God leading the Israelites out of captivity. However, He made them take a detour – for 40 years. Why? They grumbled. They were not satisfied with God’s plan, so they complained. That is a vast simplification because I do not have room to describe it all. However, I have this picture of them literally walking in a huge circle around the land, close enough to see it but unable to reach it.

We had a reminder this week that maybe I have not learned enough from their mistake. We watched our son get his senior pictures taken. That is a milestone for every parent and their son or daughter. I understand that. However, some back story is appropriate.

Korbin HATES to have his picture taken. If you have ever seen “Big Bang Theory” the person who plays Sheldon depicts it perfectly. We have about three good pictures of our son looking at the camera over his so far 18-year life.

We have used several strategies over the years and multiple photographers. This year we asked a young man we have known for 20 years or so. He knows our son. He followed him around for an hour or more. It got funny pretty fast. Calling Korbin onery is the biggest understatement in the history of time. He ended up making Drew work. If he was facing away from the camera – all smiles and smirks. The instant he would turn toward the camera – scowl like it was the worst thing we could ask him to do.

However, there was a moment that caught our attention. A moth flew into the picture. That sounds so unimportant. But there was a time in Korbin’s life that he would have literally panicked. He was afraid of everything in the air. Bugs. Helicopters. Dust in sunlight. And especially moths. We had to carry him everywhere and he was way too big for that to be easy. Multiple times we had to rush to his school to get him out of a room he didn’t belong in but he was in full flight mode.

There was a period of time that I think we would both say was one of the lowest we went through. The only place with no automatic panic mode was his room with the lights out, curtains closed - and I mean no sunlight, door closed and silence, him wrapped around one of us. Twenty four hours a day.

We saw no hope. We saw no plan. There was no way to even describe it to people. It was a rare time in our life together that hope had not shown up yet and it went on for weeks. I get emotional thinking about it. No hope is rough.

When we got a call that an appointment we had been praying for had opened up, I was in Augusta, Kansas, around 30 minutes from Wichita where the appointment was. I knew I had time to get there early. Mary left from Hays. It is 180 miles from our house to the doctor. I am not kidding when I say she got there in 2 hours and maybe 10 minutes. I’ve done the math. Mamma lion was not going to be late for that appointment.

Back to senior pictures. Drew may have not noticed it. It is such a normal thing. Korbin’s reaction – he kept trying to get it to fly away – with his bare hand. When it did, he smirked. When it flew back around and landed again, same response. Mary and I stood there like we were watching a miracle and really, we were. I don’t have words adequate to describe it. But, he was playing with a moth.

It struck me today while replaying that song in my head that I have been marching around my promised land for now 32 years of marriage. I am not saying I have grumbled the entire time. But I have had moments of doing so. We have three miracles for kids. We have each other. We have Logan. We have Harlee. We both have families and friends who occasionally are not crazy.

We have had hurt. We have had missed or blown opportunities. We have seen struggles like everyone else. But if I had as much growth in my so far 58 year life as I have seen in the miracle we call our son, I would be a better human than I am. If I recognized the miraculous in small increments as easily as I do when it slaps me in the face, I would recognize that I am not marching around in circles looking at my Promised Land. I live in my promised land.

What makes you grumble at God?

Have you ever noticed the answer to your prayer sitting next to you while you are asking God for it?

Challenge: Everyone grumbles at times. Not living in that state of mind is a pretty important step in handing God the controls. The true challenge is realizing He already has the control, He just wants is to let go and let Him.

Rick Claiborn