Paul, Barnabus and Timothy

“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”  Proverbs 27:6 NIV

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”  Proverbs 27:17 NIV

Many years ago, our church took large groups of men to Promise Keepers Conferences.  The trips were powerful.  It is hard to avoid the impact on a bus with 50 men.  It is even more difficult in a stadium with 15,000 of them.  We learned, we grew and we were challenged.

At one of those conferences, we heard a sermon from Dr. Tony Evans, the Pastor of Oak Cliff Baptist Church in Dallas, Texas.  He challenged us with a simple idea – every man needs three people in his life, a Paul, a Barnabus, and a Timothy. 

Paul represented someone further into a spiritual journey or wise in areas you were not, but someone from whom you can learn.  Your Paul also had to be willing.  It takes heart work to be someone’s Paul. 

Timothy represented someone who could learn from you.  It was an interesting twist because when you asked a man to be your mentor you were seeking knowledge, or gain.  However, you could not wait for your Timothy to seek you out.  You had to go find him on purpose, for his gain.

Barnabus was tougher.  You needed to find someone who knew you or who loved you, but was not necessarily too impressed with you.  That sounds funny but the bible says you cannot get to heaven by works alone lest a man could boast.  Your Barnabus simply was someone who did not care what you have done, but who was interested in helping you grow spiritually. 

Many small groups started as a result of that sermon.  Fortunately, I got to be involved in one.  In the very back row of the bus on the way home I had two conversations that changed my life.  In the first, a man named Kenny sat next to me and quoted Proverbs 27:6 NIV “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”

I remember it like I am still on the bus.  He asked “Do you trust me?”, and I did.  He followed that with “Rick, I love you.  But sometimes you are a jackass.  I can help you if you want me to.”  Not your normal conversation starter but it started a journey that I am still on today.  I deserved the question then.  I am aware of it today in that I still can be hard to be around even though I am not trying to be.  My bark is worse than my bite.  But barking still can cause people to turn away.  Still, he didn’t just drop a bomb and leave.  I was his Timothy and he knew it was going to take up some of his time. 

The next conversation was with the man sitting in the seat on the other side of me on that same trip.  He asked me to help him.  He said “Rick, I think you are here to save my life.”  I learned over time that he meant it.  He needed a committed friend.  It is absolutely like God to have those two conversations occur side by side.  No matter how bad we think we are, God can use us either way.

We started meeting every week.  It started with four men.  Some men have been in for a while and then not.  At its best this group is completely unimpressed with anything any one of us has done.  We agreed to make each other better.  We also agreed to come back next week.  This, in particular, was important.  Someone calling you a jackass can hurt.  Come back next week and we can work on that.  Leave and you have drawn a line you are not willing to cross.  It can be hard. 

I have learned that in some areas I can serve as Paul and help another man.  In other areas, I need the help, like Timothy.  Serving as Barnabus falls to all of us.  Every man at that table has done great things at work or in the community, no man at the table cares about that.  How is your time with Jesus this week?  Are you spending time in His word?  When is the last time you helped your wife without expecting something back?  How are you teaching your kids?  Our topics are supposed to be more spiritually based than worldly. 

It is rare to have a group of men belly up to the table and talk.  We have been meeting for around 20 years.  I know how these men think.  When I encounter a situation in life I can hear the advice.  Interestingly, all of us tend to come at subjects from different angles.  Together we have a pretty well framed picture of most situations. 

After we lost our daughter, every Friday I went there probably looking like a walking wounded heart and I was.  They asked nothing of me.  They just talked and let me listen.  They would not have let go of my family if their own life had depended on it.  They are still loving my family through it to this day. 

I met my best friends through holding each other accountable to the simple idea that we could help each other in our walk with God. 

How often do you have conversations that do not involve sports, work or weather?  If you cannot think of someone, start praying for God to open a door.  He probably will. 

Why are we often so afraid of opening the door to someone?  We all have victories and defeats. 

Challenge:  If you have never done so, reach out to someone you trust.  You don’t have to commit to 20 years, maybe just start a real conversation and see where it goes.

Rick Claiborn