Perfect, fear

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18 NIV

I have been thinking about this verse. My wife and I were in a meeting last week about our son. He is an amazingly complicated yet miraculously simple to relate to human. We were asked a question about his personality. Specifically, we were asked about him having any fears of interacting with people or situations in his life.

In some ways he is afraid of a lot of things. If he is in a new environment or around a lot of new people, he is very leery. In some ways he is just like all people in that sense. Some people take in new people and places easily. Some people do not. If you had put Jordyn in a room with 25 people she would talk to all 25, twice. If you put Aly in a room with 25 people, she may talk to 1 or 2 and otherwise walk around spreading kindness. Put Korbin in that same room and he will just leave.

I remember when our girls were growing up that trying to teach them to be careful was tricky. Children do not recognize the fact that there are people in this world who are willing to hurt them. Situations like walking in a parking lot can be dangerous. There is a balance between awareness and fear and it can be hard to walk that line. A good friend reminded me once that I did not have to be as careful walking in a parking lot as she does. She was taught to check under her car, look in the back seat of her car, and to carry her keys like a weapon. I do not think men think about it as much. I wish no one had to.

Our son has almost no situational awareness. He would walk into traffic if you do not stop him. If a bear was in our front yard, he would go outside to look. It is weird, but I actually want him to have some fear of some situations but do not want his life to be lived in fear, but he does not look out for himself - at all. Even his friend Hollis tried to “teach Korbin to be a badass.” He had lesson plans and everything. It was hilarious to watch, they kicked the slobber out of a tackling dummy we have. Korbin will do almost anything Hollis asks. However, I don’t think it worked.

What about me? I have fears. My worst fear would have been losing Mary or one of our kids. Then it happened. We then had to balance that reality with the fear of it happening again and try to have perfect love by not being fearful. It was hard to let Aly leave the house without thinking about it. It still can be to be honest. Is that sinful worry or fear or just human, or is that the same thing?

Why am I talking about fear so much? I got reminded of one of my longtime concerns this week, Alzheimer’s. Two clients today had lost a spouse in the last six months to it and one client got diagnosed with it in November. I serve an older clientele. People talk about it. I do not think about it all the time. I do not assume it will happen, but I am aware that it is possible.

My dad started slipping after my mom died. The last several years of his life were not good. The bible tells me to not worry about it happening to me but to pray constantly. It also tells me not be afraid. That is hard to do.

The verse above says that “perfect love drives out fear”, so is my love not perfect? No, it isn’t. I am human. I can let anger in. I can let pride in. I can let expectations in. I can let conditions in. I confidently told my pastor once that I love my wife unconditionally. He just responded with a question, “So if your wife stabs your kids and leaves them to die, you would still love her just the same?” His point was not to tear my wife down, but if I put a condition on my love it is not “perfect”. If I can arrive at perfection, I do not need grace. I am more aware of my need for and of Jesus granted unmerited grace than at any point of my life. I see my feebleness with Him as my Savior. I cannot imagine how it would be if I did not know Him.

Ever hear anyone say that “Fear not” appears 365 times in the bible? I have heard that. I have said that. However, I googled it today. According to that 30 seconds of research, “Fear not” or “Be not afraid” occurs around 100 times. Variations of the word fear appear around 380 times.

What I think my lesson needs to be is this, if I spend time thinking about it and coming up with new things to be fearful of, I can actually be guilty of perfecting my own fear. That makes no sense. I think “Fear not” appears so many times in the bible because God knows us. He designed us. I do not think He is calling out any fear I have as sin, but I have thought of it that way for too long. Rather, I think He knows He has to remind me often because it is a natural thing to be fearful of some things.

What is your biggest fear? I think one “Fear not” from the Savior is enough. He means what He says.

I have learned that I have to dig for His words. When I keep my hands dirty digging for Him, I fear less about anything. In fact, I think the digging is the key. If I dig, I find Jesus. If I do not dig, I find nothing and my mind is not a good place to have nothing.

Challenge: Staring at an intimidating and undefeated opponent and remembering that I serve an unintimidated and undefeated Savior. The perfect love is not coming from me, it is coming from Jesus.

Rick Claiborn