Tell her again

I had a three hour trip to work this morning. The windshield time can get old but it can also provide a unique opportunity to either ponder a topic or to just listen - to either God, music, or silence. My mind seems to work through things better if I give it some silence once in a while. People can get tired of hearing me talk. I get tired of hearing me talk, to be honest.

A song played that I have not heard in a long time, “I love you” by the Climax Blues Band. The first verse says “When I was a younger man, I hadn’t a care. Fooling around, hitting the town, growing my hair. You came along and stole my heart when you entered my life. Babe, you got what it takes, so I made you my wife.”

Dang, it reminded me of my wife. When we met, I was like most people when they were young. Young. I had plans to go to graduate school but did not yet know where. I was working a new shift at 4:00 am every day and was learning to deal with that schedule and I fell asleep on her couch more times than she should have tolerated. And yes, my hair was long and I had not yet figured out how to use a beard trimmer on a regular basis. I looked a little rough. Mary looked anything but rough.

I remember the first time I saw her quite well. I played softball with her brother and she showed up to a game to watch him. Keep in mind that my best friend and roommate at the time was a female with the nickname “Legs”, it seemed a little complicated. Mary thought we were a couple, so the first few conversations were a little confusing.

The next verse of the song sums it up like this: “And as my head was spinning around I gazed into your eyes and thought Oh I want you. Thank you babe, for being a friend, and shining your light in my life, cause ooh, I need you”. The first time I proposed was about two months after that first softball game. I almost asked her on our second date but thought that may have been a little quick. She said yes, but we thought about it and decided it would probably be best to wait to tell anyone so they would not freak out.

We ended up heading to Fayetteville, Arkansas for graduate school to live in a 400 square foot shoebox. It was the perfect size for one person. When I went to look for a place to live, I apparently shopped for a one-person apartment even though, like I mentioned, we were unofficially engaged. Like I said, I was young.

We asked both sets of parents for their blessing to live together before we were married. I know that is not the normally preferred question, but it was important to us that we asked. If either had said no, I am not sure we would have done it. My dad just asked, “What would you do if I was dead?” I told him I would move in so he told me that’s what I should do. Her mom asked if we could afford two apartments - no. Her dad just said, “I don’t want to hire a babysitting for the wedding.” It was his way of making sure that my intentions with her were permanent. They were. The next time I saw him in person was during our first semester at Arkansas when we went home for Thanksgiving. I properly asked for his blessing to marry her.

My parents helped haul us to Fayetteville. The apartment was so small we could not even fit all of our stuff in it and we did not have any furniture. It had a murphy bed in the living room that helped but we literally had to throw some of our dishes and clothes away. The last verse says “If ever a man had it all, it would have to be me and ooh I love you.”

I have been thinking about that verse all day. We do not “have it all” if we talk about everything we ever wanted. Literally no one does. But we do have everything we need. We have had more, and we have had less, but what we have right now is everything we need. I think the key to that is not “having it all”. I think the key is wanting what you have. For me, it’s the tall drink of water from Morland, Kansas. Everything else is icing.

Husbands, I think we are often terrible at telling our wives how blessed we are to have them.

Mary, thanks again for being my friend and shining your light in my life. I need you.

Challenge: The words do not have to be perfect, and the actions do not have to be flawless. But do your words and actions reflect love? Do they reflect unity with one another? Tell her again just in case it’s been a while.

Rick Claiborn