Time is short

“God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways; He does great things beyond our understanding.” Job 37:5 NIV

We have all heard someone say that they were going to ask God for guidance or for an answer. I know a lot of people who seek God on a variety of issues. However, more often than not, the answer is subtle. You can hear God through the advice of a friend. You can see evidence of God unfold in your children. God is not limited in His dialect. He can use any form and at any time. I cannot demand that God speak to me, however, on one occasion I asked and heard.

Our daughter Jordyn died September 11th, 2009. It was obviously the worst thing we’ve ever had happen in our life or that I’ve ever been associated with. Five days before that I was in Colorado Springs, Colorado working. The cabin where I stay there is always a place of great peace. To call it beautiful is an understatement. The mountain sort of whispers to you. I swear, even the rocks cry out.

I was having quiet time in the morning on the second day we were there, and I was sitting out on the porch. I asked God the question, “what do you want to say to me?” I ask that question frequently. Usually I hear silence or maybe have a thought come into my mind. That particular morning, I heard what sounded to me like an audible voice say, “Time is short.”

I do not believe that there is anything unique about me. Him granting me that moment was not about me. It is the only time I have ever heard anything like it. I thought about it a lot. I prayed about it a lot. The prayers seemed to point to the end of a life. I talked to a few close brothers about it. I really came to think that it was about me. I thought that God was telling me that I was going to die. I did not know how, but I thought God gave me a chance to end well. This may sound far-fetched, but it was very real.

I did not tell my wife about it because I thought it would scare her and I thought she wouldn’t let me leave the house. When I look back on it, I had an opportunity and probably a prodding. I took the time to say pretty well everything that I wanted to say. I told my family that I love them and how much I really cared for them. I told them how much I enjoyed them. It was not morose. None of them knew any of this was going on. But I took time to tell everyone what I thought of them. I remember telling Jordyn she was like a breath of fresh air blowing through my life. I remember telling her how happy she made me, how happy she seems and how good of a job she had done with life.

At some point during that week I was playing a game with Korbin. He was making up some goofy game where he would come in and out of the room. He used to make up games where he kind of did repetitive things and he just wanted me to sit there and be part of it. I could hear Mary and the girls in the other room. They were just laughing and joking around and playing. That whole week I had been in a great amount of peace, even though I thought I was leaving. I was not worried or nervous. I was not scared of it. But I remember listening to all of this and thinking, ‘This is going to end! This is going to end!’ I was getting upset and my son, who spoke very few words at that time, came walking in our room. He looked at me and said, ‘It’s okay.’ I said what did you say? And he said, ‘It’s okay’. To this day if he sees us stressed, he will not leave us alone.

I really believe that was a moment where God told me that everything was going to be okay and He gave me peace again. I thought they were going to be alright. I knew the people around them. I knew my friends. I knew the church would take care of them. I knew who would gather around them, and I was okay.

I kind of look at that in hindsight as God giving me a wink so I could look back on it and say I know He was on the throne all along. He knew this was going to happen. I do not believe it surprised God, but it gives me a great amount of peace in hindsight.

On the night she died, we got a knock on our door at about 11:30 pm. A gentleman who had heard it over a police scanner knocked on our door and was trying to tell us that there were two code blacks and one code red on the way to the hospital and that one of them was Jordyn. I remember he literally had to shake me. He was forming a sentence in English. My brain was not processing it. Mary called the hospital and I still can’t believe they said it on the phone. Mary screamed “SHE DIED?”! That was how Aly found out. She had heard us and was walking down the hall. There is not a good way to hear it.

We were at the hospital when they told us she was gone. I do not know how long after, but I remembered “Time is short.” I just started apologizing to my wife. I was wrong. It was Jordyn instead of me. I do not know how much control we think we have over God. I think God sort of allowed for that many days in her life. I think He prepared us for it as much as possible all along. I am 56 years old and at some point in time I’m going to go home too. But I realize that I had perhaps took for granted things like friendships and hugs from my kids and wife. Our time to enjoy them here is short. However, our time to enjoy them in eternity is not. We put a lot of emphasis on “here,” but it has probably given me a better perspective as far as not trying to worry about too many things and not trying to control too many things. I still struggle with that at times, but it has helped me to realize that God is in control.

Aly was 11 years old and she asked me later, “Dad, if you would have known that night she was going to die, would you have let her out of the house?” Obviously if I knew she was going to die I would never have let her out.” But Aly was pretty spiritually mature when she said, “I don’t think it would have mattered. I think even if she would have been home something would have happened. That night, she was going to leave.” I do believe that is true.

The first few days that she was gone, we used to think of all kinds of things we would miss: her wedding, her kids, her graduating, her presence every single day. But I think that if God was in control that night - and I believe He was, the things that I think of that I’m missing were never going to happen anyway. Her life, from beginning to end, I got to see. There was nothing missing, nothing incomplete, nothing shorter than it needed to be or that God wanted it to be. It was shorter than I wanted it to be but not shorter than He ordained it to be.

We miss a lot about her but the stuff after that day was never going to happen. It helps to have some peace and to understand that we got to see her life from beginning to end, all of it. God is not particularly worried about the time frame. If she is in heaven at age 16, He still has the same amount of eternity.

If you knew how much time you had, what would you be doing today?

Why not do that now?

Challenge: I have often wished it was me instead of her. But I also realize that wishing her out of heaven is not better for her, it would only be easier for me. God’s plan included each of us staying here. But time is short. What are you doing with yours?

Rick L. Claiborn