To live or to die

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her…However, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself.” Ephesians 5:25 & 33 NIV

Picture the scene – my wife walking down the street holding one of our kids. As she starts to cross the street, a total stranger notices that she is about to step in front of a bus. In a heroic moment, that total stranger could be willing to lay down his life for my wife by jumping in front of a bus to push her toward safety.

As noble as that sounds, I am not called to jump in front of moving vehicles very often. I think I am called to do something far more meaningful – to live for her. One of the challenges of writing about a topic is that I usually realize that I miss the mark. It can be humbling, but the challenge issued is an important one.

I know a lot of men, including me, who draw identity from work. It is highly common when two men meet each other and start a conversation. One of them will ask “What do you do?” It is not a terrible thing to ask, but it is a near sighted view of our roles. We forget that working is just a part of us. We errantly think it is the most important part of us when in truth we are to think of everything through a filter that starts with her - how many hours am I working? Am I helping with household duties? Do I know how to run a vacuum?

What if I get up every morning and notice my wife walking down the street with one of our kids and I see her stepping in front of exhaustion? What if I see her walking through a plain simple day favoring that pain she has in her hip? Pain can take over a mind. If I love her “as I love myself” as the above verse instructs, am I compelled to step in and help?

In its purest form, if I love her as I love myself, I have to look at the world through her eyes as much as I look at it through my own, maybe more. I take a nap when I am tired. Do I make sure she does? I go to the doctor when I am sick. She won’t unless death seems imminent. Maybe I should make sure she makes the appointment. These are just simple things. What about more complicated issues like faith? Fears? Anxieties? Insecurities? Goals? Dreams? Victories?

How often do I sit and ask her how she is and really want to know everything?

How often do I look at myself as the best source of love in her life?

Challenge: Most of the time I think our spouse just wants to relate, to talk, to connect. In fact, my wife has been known to start a sentence with “I do not need a solution, just listen…” Gentlemen, how often do we let her know that we love her as we love ourselves?

Rick Claiborn