Tough as a Gator

"Train up a child in the way they should go and when they are older, they will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6 AMP

Summer is full of milestone dates for our family. I have written lately about my dad’s death anniversary as well as about my mom’s birthday. We have the 13th anniversary of our daughter passing away in September. Some milestones are hard, but some are more fun. Today is one of the most fun. August 9, 1929 the world welcomed my dad. August 9th, 1997 the world welcomed our daughter Aly. As soon as my dad heard we were expecting a baby in August he started claiming it. He was having a birthday baby. Turned out he was right, so today marks the birth date of two very important people.

Aly has had a unique life. She started out as our youngest child. She and Jordyn ruled the roost and had as unique a relationship as I could have ever imagined. Once Korbin was born Aly became a middle child. Nothing wrong with that but just a little different role. Then, once Aly got older than Jordyn was when she died, Aly became our oldest child. I don’t know if that is important to know. I just think it is unique. So is she.

When Korbin was young he could be hard to deal with. He got into long routines and actions. At times he would have patterns of behavior several dozen items long. I think it helped him deal with the brain activity we could not understand. We left him alone when he was like this. Aly would have none of it. She moved his stuff. She stood in his way. She made him look at her. She literally bugged the crap out of him. I would tell her to stop, but that got the same response as telling Korbin to stop. It wasn’t in either one of them to quit.

I have so many stories that make me laugh. There was the time she was playing volleyball with a local youth group. Around 10:00 PM someone turned on the lights. She said “Hey look guys the sun’s coming up.” I laugh every time I think about it.

I got home from the road working once. It was maybe 10:30 at night. She walked in and threw her hip out like only girls can “Oh hi Dad. MOM said if I put my clothes in the laundry room she would wash them and I have nothing to wear”. Then she added “I know, I’m going to my room!” I literally laughed for 30 minutes. I think Mary ended up more frustrated at me because I kept waking her up laughing.

She used to punish herself. We would get home and she would hand us her phone and start confessing. Nothing ever too serious, just things she knew we didn’t want her doing. She would confess, announce her punishment and apologize. At times we never said a word.

She has been placed in situations that should not have been on a person her age. I remember after Jordy died Mary and I decided to go on a night out for the first time. Aly was in charge. By the time we got to the restaurant we called. Korbin was screaming. We switched to fast food. Standing in line we checked back in. Korbin was yelling “Home!” He wanted us back. He wanted Jordyn back. We headed home. We arrived to find Aly holding onto the door frame, feet planted. Korbin was pushing, pulling, kicking and hitting her. He was screaming and she was crying. He was trying to get out. She knew he was too strong to get him back in so she didn’t let him out. I’ll never forget it.

I remember telling her that our friend Tim got killed. I remember her face the last time she saw my dad alive. I never should have taken her. She saw a side of him that wasn’t him anymore. She just sat down and cried.

When Harlee was born she was having some trouble breathing. They life watched her to Wichita as a result. About eight hours after delivering a 9 pound baby Aly and Logan got in a car and drove to Wichita. They had a rough introduction to parenting. But they are so good at it. The Reed family is a beautiful thing to watch.

She’s a mom, a wife, a daughter, and a teacher. Mary and I are proud of her. I asked Mary what she would want to say to Aly and she just simply said “I am amazed by who she has become.” Good enough. Happy birthday sweet girl.

What have you seen your kid overcome? Do you know what they are trying to overcome?

What has your kid seen you overcome? Do they know what you are trying to overcome? I think we don’t tell them those things enough. They can see it. They can learn from it.

Challenge: The balance of trying to help them grow and trying to squeeze so hard they can’t. The balance of trying to help them not need you anymore and telling them how much they mean to you.

Rick Claiborn