What do you do?

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25 NIV

Put any two men together in a room, eventually small talk will start. When it does, with nearly 100 percent certainty I can say that one of them will ask “What do you do?” It’s our calling card. It’s our identity. Whether we admit it or not, men size each other up. We weigh each other in comparison. My job is better. He makes more money than I do. He’s smarter than I am. I’m better. He’s better. There’s a long list of judgements we can make based on one question.

How many of us have ever heard the answer “I’m a husband!” Men would look at you like you have lost your mind. “Yeah yeah – But what do you DO?”

We gain a lot of identity in work and I understand that. God gave Adam a job to work in the garden. First man, first job. Why? If you have ever worked in a garden, you realize that you do so on your hands and knees. The best gardening tool ever devised is your two hands. It is there that God has an opportunity. When you are on your knees in the dirt, He can talk to you. Moreover, you can listen.

My question is this: when we walk our bride down the aisle, do we think of it as accepting a job from God himself? The only other starting point in a journey assigned to you by the Creator that compares to it is the birth of your kids. We can make money doing anything. If we look at work correctly, we can use it as a platform for worship, for witnessing, for provision and for blessing. However, I think some men use it as a shield.

We tell her she is important but consistently put work in front of her. We leave the house working to support the family we love and come home with a check we compare to what we think it ought to be, even being willing to work long extra hours to get even a scrap more, while we won’t spend an extra minute working on our marriage. We can end up sacrificing a relationship with the family we love while telling ourselves we are loving them by working so hard. It can be balanced, but it can also be an anvil.

I want to explore this topic because it is my favorite role. It is one of the most rewarding things I have ever done. It is honestly the best part of me. Mary makes me search for the man I want to be. Without her, I have grace from God, which is the best thing of all, but I have nothing here worth working for without the tall drink of water I call Mary K. I want to explore this topic because I see so many men struggle with it. I struggle to balance it sometimes.

I see too many men I respect thinking that their role is more important. Our hobbies, our friends, our time, our money, our bodies, our needs – are all often placed as a higher priority. We have to look in the mirror really hard and ask ourselves why in the world we think Jesus would want us to put ourselves first when He so clearly put Himself and His needs behind us. We needed Him far more than He needed us. Our wives need us far more than our boss does.

What kind of marriage do you and I really want? Financially or socially powerful but emotionally bankrupt is not a good outcome. Once you know what you want, what do you actually have? What do you need to do to align the two?

Husbands, let’s ask ourselves, what have we done in the last week to put our wife’s needs ahead of ours? What about in the last month? What about today?

Challenge: Ask your wife if she feels like a priority in your life. Do you already know the answer?

Rick Claiborn