What now?

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us run with perseverance the race that is marked out for us.” Hebrews 12:1 NIV

I had someone ask me an interesting question this week. What now? We made it past the 10-year death anniversary. We got the book “Peace is Possible” released at http://bit.ly/peaceispossiblegiveaway What do we do now? In short, the last chapter of that book says it best “We live”.

The stage was set for that. We had the Free Spirit Run on Saturday morning with over 100 participants. We raised around $4,000 for the Jordyn Claiborn Memorial Scholarship at Fort Hays State University and the Free Spirit Award at Hays High School. Mary worked like only my wife can work to get ready for the annual barbeque. It is a positive gathering to get the heart moving again. She looks at it as one act of service she can still do for Jordyn. She accepts very little help for that reason. Our house was immaculate. Our yard was beautiful. I am proud of my family. We have faced this well. Hard. Ongoing. But faced with faith in the One who gave her to us in the first place. Thankful. We were ready to celebrate.

Then we got a big dose of life. My brother Dave, all 6’6” 280 pounds of him tripped going downstairs. You can see the scuff mark on the wall by the top step. There is a very curious but perfect hole in the wall about 5 feet up on the other side. There are more scuffs and there was a terrible spot on the cement wall where his head hit. We heard every impact.

When I rounded the corner, you could tell it was bad. He was unconscious. He was twisted and I will not forget the look on his face any time soon. I checked his breathing. None. Thankfully Logan was right there. We moved him enough to straighten him out so I could do chest compressions. That move also revealed that his head was cut wide open.

After about a dozen or so of those compressions I heard the first gasp of air. It’s funny, the sound I miss the most from our daughter is literally the sound of her breath when laughing. Dave’s first gasp for air was as sweet as any sound on earth. From that point on I just held his head to apply pressure and I talked to him.

I could hear Aly asking Dave questions. She is as calm as can be in emergencies. It’s crazy. My son also did something. He came over as we were moving Dave. He said, “Uncle Dave hurt”. I was telling him that Dave would be okay even though it did not look like he would be. Then he reached down and laid his hands gently on Dave’s head. He just held him. Korbin exudes peace like no one. It looked like a laying on of hands. It was a powerful thing to see. Dave took his first breath with my kids looking him in the eye.

What I remember oddly is all of the thoughts that went through my mind. It is amazing how the human mind works. I remember the first few days after Jordyn died in still pictures. I can replay them at will. Sometimes I am powerless to stop them. It’s ironic that our own brain cannot calculate the maximum potential of itself. It’s sort of like us trying to figure out God’s potential.

I have never seen Dave look frail until that day. I thought about him being a decorated veteran of combat. He has the medals to prove he did it with honor, this wasn’t honorable. I thought about how many times I had seen my brother rise up if he thought someone he loved was hurting. He looked just like my dad. He looked small. I remember thinking how much I admire this man. I also remember being glad I did not have to give him breaths. There is a line.

What does this have to do with Jordyn? I have thought all day that life is more important than death. Death is going to find all of us eventually. But will life? It can if we let it. The doctor told me that my compressions were probably ineffective because I did not break any ribs. He said Dave probably had a trauma induced apnea. He would have came back on his own. I don’t care. It made me feel better to do something.

Do you think God is like the doctor? We can have trauma induced spiritual apnea. Life happens, we panic or worse, feel nothing. We try to do a bunch of earthly compressions to revive our spiritual selves. Ineffective. God is neither worried nor hurried.

Do the people in my life have to die to know how I feel about them? Why not try telling the living how important they are? How important they are to God.

Challenge: Milestones are unavoidable. They can be a positive. But let’s not make idols out of the things they mark. Our worship belongs solely to God.

Rick Claiborn