When you've seen one...

“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6 NIV

We are approaching a major event in our house. Our son is graduating from Hays High School. Parents go through this all the time, we are no different. We are not the first wonder how in the world time went so fast. Also, he is our youngest so we won’t go through this again.

When Korbin was three years old he was diagnosed with Autism. I think we knew prior to the diagnosis. He had been active and was developing as you would expect any child. Everything seemed normal right up until it didn’t.

We noticed we had not heard him speak or make any verbal sound in a while. We talked about not being able to get eye contact with him. We started to notice preoccupation with things like turning Hotwheels cars on their back and spinning them – for hours upon hours. After a lot of research and appointments we were referred to KU Medical Center to do an intake interview.

We were given an appointment at 4:00 am, that is not a typo we did the intake call at 4:00 in the morning because they had so many kids to screen they worked on it 24 hours a day. We traveled to Kansas City for a follow up appointment and watched them work with him. We knew it, but they confirmed it.

They made three statements that day that really stuck out. First, they said we had a window of time to reach him – two years. He was three years old and they told us if we did not reach him by age five, progress beyond that would be minimal. They also told us, “If you’ve seen one person on the autism spectrum, you’ve seen one”. In other words, they were all different. They all fall somewhere on a spectrum and that no two are really alike. That made working on a plan to reach him within 24 months, let’s say daunting is a descriptive word. They also reminded us that we lived in Hays, so if we wanted their help, it was not happening.

I do not have room to tell you about everything. I really want to write it all out, but that would look more like a book. I remember milestones like when we figured out he liked to jump on a trampoline. He made eye contact on a trampoline and I am not exaggerating when I say that my wife and I took turns jumping with him for 8 to 10 hours per day. Good parents are motivated to do whatever it takes, that is what it took sometimes to get 5 seconds of connection – eyes open and him looking like he was in there when otherwise we saw only blank stares. We jumped. There was that time when we did not yet know he could write and I am not sure he did either. He started asking us for words in categories, like “Vegetables, A to Z. Animals A to Z”. One day I will never forget he just started writing in chalk on our driveway. He covered our entire driveway with words. I was amazing. We have heard him speak French, Spanish and Russian among others. English, not so much.

I agree that all kids on the spectrum are unique. I also realize that all kids are that, unique creations. If you are not willing to meet them where they are, you’re out of their view. That is as true for Korbin as it is for Aly and Jordyn.

The statement that I disagree with is that window of opportunity to reach him. I think they told us that to make sure we got to work. If you waste time trying, you lose some of that opportunity, but he is not a robot. The walking miracle he is has capacities beyond what we can imagine. It is not up to me, or any parent, to label a son or daughter as hopeless. This is even more true in hindsight.

We were talking tonight about the people who have impacted him. The first person outside of our house I told was a friend from church. He was typing on a computer and never looked up. He just said “Have I ever told you that my wife is an expert in Autism?” Nope, he had never mentioned it, but she was. The day after he was diagnosed we had a team of people show up at our house to get started. They never stopped.

We counted:

15 regular education teachers including specials like Physical Education or Technology

7 special education teachers

15 classroom paraprofessionals

10 Speech pathologists

2 Occupational therapists

7 members of Administration who were directly involved

12 Clinicians at the Herndon Center for Speech and Language Therapy, some of those became lifelong friends. He was in one of their weddings. It may have looked like a disaster, but it wasn’t.

We did not count friends who encouraged us. We had a Physician in Wichita who figured out how to get him to sleep. He went 7 years without sleeping more than about 2 hours in one stretch – ever. He was emaciated and we were tired. That move alone blew the door open. We see a Dentist in Wichita who specializes in Spectrum kids and he worked miracles to get from 6 adults holding him down to just him. It took years, but he never gave up and I would walk Korbin to his office if I needed to.

I think the person who diagnosed him used that 2 year window to motivate us, and it did. But neither of us knew the lineup God had in place. We have been blessed by over 70 people who were gifted at their craft. But God threw in the extra. We have watched all 70 of them fall in love with our son. Korbin is one of the most fascinating people I know, but just in case they didn’t know it, our son has loved them right back. He really loves them.

What is the most daunting thing you are facing?

Keep your head up, there may be miracles waiting for the right time.

Challenge: Have the faith to say to the storms, “You’re temporary”. Introduce your problems to God. Sometimes we see problems as separation from Him when they may actually open the door for Him.

Mary and Rick Claiborn