Who am I?

“Who am I that the Lord of all the earth would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt?  Who am I that the bright and morning star would choose to light the way for my ever-wandering heart?”  Casting Crowns

My wife and I attended a Casting Crowns concert in Wichita, Kansas over 15 years ago.  We went with our beautiful friends Pat and Penny.  The concert was on a Sunday night and our wives drove back to Hays while we stayed in Wichita.  Pat and I were scheduled to start a class the next morning.  We were attending a four day class followed by an exam to get our insurance license.

It was a long week, but we did pass the test after the teacher asked us “this is what?” around 4,756 times.  He drilled sample questions into our brains for the sole purpose of passing that test.  I have been doing this job for 15 years now and I only use about 3% of the knowledge I was supposed to know from that class.  My target market is pretty deep, but narrow. 

Patrick and I had been trying to connect to different jobs for a while.  We talked about doing something together and to be more available for ministry.  It seemed perfect so we jumped off the cliff.  It helps that the man who owns our agency is widely recognized as the best to ever do this job – anywhere.  You can seriously ask anyone in the field, Jeff is the king, so we had a great mentor as well. 

But during the concert the song “Who am I?” started.  I don’t know if maybe I had never heard it or what, but the lyrics did me in.  I wept like a baby for however long the song is.  I could not believe that God had cleared this path to a profession I had never considered.  For me.  I still have a hard time with it sometimes. 

Not every door God opens reveals a comfortable work environment with a good benefits package.  Come to think of it, that was the door He was closing.  I had that job.  Sometimes He opens the door to hard work, time alone, miles and rejection after rejection.  Sometimes I owe my company money at the end of the week.  There is no stability as I had previously considered it and it offered no benefits package.  Also, I use my own car for around 50,000 miles a year and I work with a clientele with very little discretionary money.  It made no sense.

It was perfect for me.  On the way out of town today I stopped at the cemetery to kiss Jordy, I remembered something about Tim even though he has been gone so long now.  It seemed like both of them sort of jumped in for a ride this morning.  Friends are struggling, marriages strained, we have friends who had to sit through a murder trial recently.  Sounds really heavy and sometimes life is.  It may make no sense, but it may be perfect for you. 

“Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin would look on me with love and watch me rise again.  Who am I that the voice that calmed the sea would call out through the rain and calm the storm in me?”

Who are you?  In case you don’t know, you are a child of the living God and He loves you. 

Never underestimate the journey you are on.  Other struggling souls are watching.  Other struggling souls are helped. 

Challenge:  “Not because of who I am.  But because of what you’ve done.  Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who you are.”  Casting Crowns 

Thank you God, for everything.

Rick Claiborn